Wild Heart | Jiara

Chapter 19

I couldn't really sleep last night. It felt like all I did was toss and turn. When I couldn't take it anymore, I finally got out of bed at 6am. Three hours before I'm supposed to meet J. I tried to think good thoughts and soak in positive energy, but I can't shake the feeling of this being the end of us. There's only a month of summer left, and I had all these ideas for how we'd spend the rest of the summer. For starters, he'd finally teach me how to surf. I know I would never be on his level but at least with his help I'd be able to hold my own. We'd also find a way to take a road trip. I'd put all of our favorite songs onto one playlist and with what we can fit into two small bags, hit the open road and not look back. Every day with him is an adventure so why not make our own little adventure?

My phone tells me it's 7:30 so I decide to start getting ready. Thankfully, my dad has already left. I did not look forward to explaining to him why I'm up so early and where I'm headed. I take a nice long shower, shampooing my hair and shaving my legs while I'm waiting for the conditioner to settle in. I turn off the shower head and quickly step out so I can dry myself and start getting. I only have thirty minutes before we meet so I decide to let my hair air dry. He's always liked my hair like that anyway, so I focus on choosing an outfit. I slip back on his t-shirt I've been wearing religiously the past few days and pair some light denim shorts with it. I then place my hair into a messy bun while I'm slipping on some black slides. I make sure I have my phone and reach for my car keys on my dresser.

I run downstairs and lock the door on the way out. I'm filled with so many nerves on my way to the park. I don't know what to expect from him. Will he be happy to see me? Will he hug me? Will he kiss me? There are so many questions that I have no answers to. His car is the first thing I see when I pull in and find a spot to park. I pull down the sun visor to check my appearance in the mirror. I'm so nervous but I want to see him more than anything right now.

I grab my phone and my keys before I get out the car. I lock the door and start walking in his direction. His back is to me, but I'd be able to spot him out in a crowd. His hair is all messy the way I like it. He has on some black shorts and a white t-shirt to match with some black sides and socks. He's sitting down on a bench watching his surroundings. As much as I want to see him right now, I want to savor this moment. This could be the last time I see him, and I want to take in everything. I stop walking and take out my phone. I quickly take a picture of him. It's perfect. With all this beautiful scenery around us, he's the only thing I see. I place my phone back in my pocket and continue walking towards him.

He doesn't notice me until I'm right next to him about to sit down. Once I'm seated, he turns fully towards me, and I do the same. His face is completely unreadable, so I have no idea what he's thinking or feeling. I want to hug and kiss him more than anything right now, but I restrain myself due to fear of rejection. He flashes me a barely there smile and puts his hand out to rub my cheek. I place my hand on top of his to keep it there. I've been deprived of his touch for way too long now. I don't want to ever go without it again. Unsurprisingly, a tear slides down my face. I'm all over the place right now. I don't know how this meeting is going to go.

"Where have you been J? You just ghosted me for three days without a word... that's not like you." I look into his eyes as two more tears fall.

He wipes the tears away but doesn't say anything. He pulls me toward him in a hug and I immediately wrap my arms around his neck. I bury my face in his neck and hold onto him so tight. For all I know this could be the last time I'll be able to do this. This could be the last time he gets to hold me. More tears fall and I don't do anything to stop it. I know his shirt is going to be close to soaked by the end of this, but I can't find it in myself to care right now. I sit sideways in his lap and make myself comfortable. I don't care that people can see us right now. I don't care that this might be too much PDA. I don't care about anything right now except for him. He's the only thing that matters to me. Once the tears have ceased for a time, I meet his eyes.