Wild Heart | Jiara

Chapter 18

It's been three fucking days since I've seen or heard from JJ. Three. He told me he was going to call me three days ago, but it's been radio silence. I've cried so much in these last three days that I have no more tears to give. This is all my fault. All I want to do is wallow and wither in my room, in my bed like any other broken hearted sixteen-year-old girl. But I won't allow myself to do that because I don't want my dad to start asking me questions or start to worry about me. Honestly, I don't think he would notice since The Wreck has been keeping him so busy lately. I haven't seen him much in a couple of days. I view that as both a blessing and a curse. I haven't done much besides shower, eat, and sleep. I want to get in my car and drive around until I find him, but I have no idea where to start. Something tells me that he's not in his secret hideaway spot because that'd be too easy. He had a life before we got together, and we've only just started dating so I don't know any of his secret spots except for the one he showed me.

John B hasn't gotten back to me since our conversation on Instagram. I take that as he hasn't heard from him either. I really hope he hasn't gone back home. He's a fucking idiot if he has. I've left J over 100 missed calls and 26 text messages. Every single one has gone unanswered. I just don't understand why he won't talk to me. The least he could do is let me know if he's okay. I'm his girlfriend for crying out loud. I turn over on my side to face the other side of my bed. All I've done is lay in bed these past three days when I'm not forcing myself to eat and shower.

I pick up the photobooth pictures me and JJ took when we went to the carnival. I haven't been able to stop staring at them since he ghosted me. Our first date. That seems like a lifetime ago. We had so much fun that night, even though he's terrible at all the games. I'd go back to that night in a heartbeat if I could. I hold the white bear he won me that night a little closer. I've been sleeping with him the past three nights. He's the closest thing I have to JJ right now. It may seem childish but, it brings me a tiny bit of comfort. It's the only comfort I have right now. I get out of bed and place the bear, along with the carnival photos, on my dresser.

I've slept in JJ's t-shirt the past few nights and it still smells like him. It's been both my torture and solace. It's been a reminder of what I could never have again. Even the slightest possibility that he'll never come back to me, we'll never see each other again, is enough to make me almost hate him. Almost. Deep down I know that I could never hate him. I'll always love him. My heart will still belong to him if I never see him again for as long as I live. It almost makes me regret falling in love so young. Not all love lasts, but I pray to God ours beats those odds. I pray to God that he comes back to me. I don't care if he comes back just to tell me that it's over. I need to see those blue eyes that command my attention whenever he's near. I need to run my fingers through his blonde locks one more time. But more than anything, the feel of his arms around me, holding me close promising a safe place, a harbor in my time of need is a necessity I refuse to go without. Even if just for one more moment.

"You're so beautiful Kie." His arms already wrapped around me holds me tighter as he says these words. I feel him press a kiss to my cheek shortly after.

I lay my hands on top of his and bask in his affection. I love it when he calls me beautiful. Though I don't believe him all the time, it's nice knowing that he only has eyes for me. Or at least that's how he always makes me feel whenever we're together. I've been thinking about asking him what we are so much lately, but I don't want to put a damper on what we have. I don't want to pressure him into doing something he's not ready for after all. I just hope that he feels the same way. One sided feelings is one of the worst things anyone can go through.

I turn around in his embrace so I'm now facing him. His arms are still around me and those blue eyes are now glued to mine. "J.." I start softly. "Do you really mean that?"