In Denial | Completed

The first time they argued

For the record – he did try his best to make it less awkward for both of them.

He pretended to be really tired, just talked - or rather mumbled – in one syllable words and couldn't even bother to keep his eyes fully open.

And maybe he really was just tired, but she liked to think that he wasn't. At least not as tired as he pretended to be.

He didn't sleep in the last hour, but she knew Vann didn't need more than six hours of sleep (which was crazy to her) from a coincidentally overheard phone call four months ago.

So, she went with the pretending theory.

And she really appreciated the shit out of him for that.

Between the kiss, the lack of sleep and her jumbled thoughts talking about any of it seemed painfully exhausting.

She needed some space and some time alone to bring back some order in her brain.

Vanessa declined Vann's offer of a breakfast, but he seemed like he was expecting that. He probably knew that she couldn't stomach food before 10 o'clock, somehow. But he did bring her a glass of water and she chugged it like she hadn't drank in days, even if just to please him.

While Vann was in the bathroom, she pondered over what to wear. She still planned on taking his hoodie back home, come what may. But wearing it now after everything that happened seemed somehow wrong.

In the end she got dressed in her own things from the day before, but made sure to pack his hoodie in her bag. She would use it as a pajama as long as it still smelled like him.

Her own personal drug. She briefly thought about looking in his closet for his perfume so she could buy it for herself and smell it occasionally, but she very quickly got rid of that idea. It felt too obsessive and – not to forget – incredibly invasive.

But they were soulmated, so these thoughts were probably normal, she guessed.

The perfume wouldn't even have smelled completely like him. He smelled like something she could only describe as completely Vann. And there was no perfume that could come even close to that.

She had class at 8 o'clock so not soon after Vann came back to his room, they made their way back downstairs. Vanessa wondered how they were going to get to campus, but apparently Vann had asked his brother sometime in the night if they could use his car.

It was basically back to silence between them and only the necessary information was shared. It was an uncomfortable one and Vanessa missed their mindless chatter from yesterday.

Walking the steps they had chased each other on yesterday made her heart hurt. How could they have gone from no talking, to talking, to flirting, to kissing – and now they were back at this. The last 12 hours seemed more like two days than anything and frankly, she was mentally exhausted.

Too many big decisions needed to be made and that stressed her.

And getting in his brother's car reminded her that she was never going to meet him. She was never going to learn how Vann acted with his friends, with his family...

She was in a downward spiral.

Vanessa had to stop thinking about these things for now. They only made her sad.

So, in an attempt to distract her from her thoughts she made the decision to try and start a conversation once more.

"The weather is nice, today." Incredibly lame, but she couldn't think of anything else.

He only hummed in response.

She couldn't blame him for that. There wasn't really anything he could say in answer and looking out of the window now – the weather really wasn't that nice. The sky was gray and it looked like it was gonna rain again, soon.