In Denial | Completed

An Introduction

While older people in Germany mostly do not seem to let their German get influenced by English vocabulary, the youth does use Anglicisms in their daily language, often without giving it a second thought. While the Globalization plays a big role, social media might be the most significant reason for the growing use of English words. Many studies show that there is a

Delete.

Many studies? She hadn't even looked for one.

Sighing, she erased the entire last paragraph and proceeded to go back to just staring at her computer screen, hoping her finished essay would just appear on the open document.

She closed her eyes and let out a second sigh. The familiar smell of the old library she usually liked to work in wafted through the library. Now, she just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.

This was not how she thought it would be. Since she was just ten years old she knew that she would be studying abroad. She imagined it to be somewhat of a freeing experience – moving out, living at least a thousand kilometers away from her parents – an entire ocean separating them – finally being independent.

But sitting here,  having done what she always wanted to do, she realized that she had idealized her college experience her entire life. Imagining it was something completely different than living through it.

She thought she would be someone else, do something else.

But no. Still plain old Vanessa. 

She was still struggling with her assignments and she still could not find any motivation to do them. And for the the life of her, she could not remember why she had thought it would be a good idea to take an additional course in sociology out of all things. But it was her sister Mallory who had talked her into taking that class. And yes, Vanessa did have a history of idolizing her. So, she tried and tried and tried again with every course that she took.

Okay. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard.

Studies show that the use of Anglicisms in Germany has increased more and more over the last –

Her eyes moved on their own accord, when she heard his voice.

Vanessa could tell his voice apart from everyone else's in her sleep. So dark and so smooth and so incredibly inviting that she actually felt compelled to stand up and go in his direction. But of course she chose not to.

She looked up and her eyes finally connected with his back with him leaning in the door frame in all his glory. Standing in front of him was his best friend Jack, talking to him and showing him outrageously a message on his phone. But she didn't care about that and her attention was only on him for a mere few moments before she focused back on him. Vann.

Without really thinking about it, she traced his body. His tousled brown hair, down to broad shoulders, a muscular back...

Though, before her thoughts could wander further, he started to turn, probably sensing her stare.
She forcefully removed her gaze from him and to her hands, now resting in her lap.
She could feel him looking at her, searching her face for something. 
She swallowed. His gaze was intent as ever, never failing to make her palms clammy and her heartbeat a little faster. That was how it always went.

Her staring. Him staring back.

Her looking away. Him still looking.

And every time she couldn't even breathe.

Only on rare occasion their eyes would actually meet, locking briefly without any words being spoken between them. She wondered if it would stay this way for the next however many years she would need to get her degree. Or maybe he would be done before her.

After a few seconds the tension lifted from her shoulders and she figured that he had looked away. Then, she heard his footsteps echoing down the hallway away from the library. She knew his next class was an Introduction to Sociology and he never took his books home with him, so they probably were on their way to his locker.

She really shouldn't, didn't want to know this kind of stuff about him and she felt a little outraged that she did know them. Little details that would have to mean she cared. But she couldn't help it. She just knew certain things, without even realizing that she had paid attention. It was like everything he did screamed for her to look, to remember and to never forget.

It was probably the same for him.

At least that was what she was telling herself every day, when she caught herself thinking about him. Otherwise, she would feel more pathetic than she already did. But his gaze lingered on her as much as the other way around.

But she had to get back to her essay.

Maybe she should ask her sister for some help. If she would just write some bullshit excuse of a paper, she could give it to her sister to let her proofread it and voilà – she knew she would be getting that essay back almost ready to turn it in.

As she decided that, yes, that was what she would be doing, she contentedly closed her laptop, stood up and began to gather her things. She still had to actually write something to give to her sister, but that would be a problem for tomorrow.

Now, she had to get to her next class, which, she realized after a quick look to the clock over the door, started in two minutes. Shit.

There would be no way she was getting there on time. 

Looks like she needed to run.

/////

Hope you enjoyed the first chapter! 

Do not hesitate to correct my spelling since English is not my first language:)