Umbutho

Sixteen

Sixteen

Oh Phila standwasami waze wayi vusa imizwa yami nje ngoba ngizwa iphimbo lwakho.  (Phila my love, your voice just awakens my every emotion.)

Waking up in a hospital bed is not nice I mean I have a life and school to focus on even though my course is starting to bore the shit out of me but it's still school. I fail to understand why my mother panicked over a simple panic attack that will probably never even happen again. I am only greatful because I heard that Philasande Mabaso is in this very hospital.

I sort of understand why my mother left but there is also that hole in my heart that craves more than what she told me and this other part that wants reassurance and love from her. I have missed out on having a mother for years and it was all because of my grandmother whom I still don't know and my uncle who honestly from my perspective sounds a little like a sociopath. I have been here for over three hours and saying I am fine means nothing to this photocopy of mine because she's here fussing over every little thing about me. She's even feeding me, can you believe that?

"Ma I am honestly fine. You don't have to do that." A part of me loved the attention and being treated like a baby, I mean  we all know that Bab'Khumalo is emotionally detached so getting this much attention from my mother feels nice. "I'll believe that when you are out of here. I can't believe you had a panic attack. Does it happen often? When did it start?" The manner in which she asked those questions was way too fast for any normal human being to grasp. "Ma you're speaking way too fast. I can't hear you." She sighs.

She looks very worried and I guess it has to do with having to inform my father of why I'm here to begin with. Speak of the devil and he shall appear. He walks in looking like his normal ordinary self with my brother behind him. I wonder where my nephew is. Speaking of which... that one seems to disappear whenever I'm in trouble and then reappear when things are better. It's like he can sense it. "What happened?" Really no 'hello guys. Are you well?' Not even a 'have you eaten today my dear daughter?' Father's will disappoint you shame.

"I fainted Baba." That's a more understandable explanation of what happened to me. "Why? Awudlanga? (Didn't you eat?)" He asks. Oh now he wants to know whether there's something in my stomach or not? I shake my head. That's my pretty white lies coming to the surface. I did eat it's just that all this stress added on to school which is becoming a drag and the stress of not knowing how Phila is, it's just becoming too much for me at this point. I wonder how much a retreat costs, Lord knows I need it.

The next couple of hours are spent with my parents looking and feeding us akward vibes while I lay in bed forced to watch them act like high school students that are afraid to express their feelings for one another. My brother standing by the door like my personal bodyguard is not helping. "May I please go outside?" The first set of eyes that match mine are my father's. He looks rather suspicious about my plea. I hope having a mother will come in handy right at this very moment.

"Uhm ok just be careful baby." I'm her baby, this feels so good. I get up and walk out but not outside like I said I would. I know I'm going to get in trouble for this but it's worth it. "Phila." I whisper as I stand at the side of his bed. He has his eyes closed and his face scrunched up as if he is in pain. The bandage that is wrapped around his arm reminds me of the bullet that pierced through his skin released by my father. "Philasande." I could feel my eyes water with tears.

I've never been a cry baby but since I've met Phila I've been doing a whole lot of crying. His eyes peel open and a smile appears. I know that it is not his full smile but the fact that he smiles makes me feel better. "MaKhumalo" His voice booms around the room as he calls to me using my surname making my tummy flutter with butterflies and joy. I've never been so proud with being a Khumalo. "I'm sorry." He shakes his head repeatedly with my heart hoping that he doesn't cause anymore harm to his body.

"No no no standwasami. There's nothing to be sorry for. You did nothing wrong." But I feel like I did. I have everything to do with this. I may be stubborn at times but I know when to give up and I think I should've surrendered when I was first told to because now, now my heart makes the decisions and I'm not going anywhere. "But I..." he stands up and wraps his arm around my waist and picks me up with just one hand placing me on his lap. This makes me feel all giddy inside. I even forgot that he is injured.

"But nothing ok. This has nothing to do with us I told you this before. I know if I had a different surname your father wouldn't even bat me an eye. This is between whatever happened between the two people that caused it. I love you Buhlebethongo Khumalo and that is not just going to change anytime soon or because of some stupid petty fight." This is more than I needed. I guess he really does know his way around words. I lay my head carefully on his chest just praying for a little more time before reality sneaks in. A person can only hope.

"Phila." A voice similar in tone and dominance speaks up causing us to look at the source. The man looks like a rather older and more wiser version of Phila. He is tall just as Phila is and has a grey like beard which is by far the most neatest bead I've ever seen. His facial features are those possessed by Phila and so it is easy to determine that they are most definitely related. "Baba." His tone is laced with respect but also worry. If this is Phila's father than I understand why he would be worried.

I look away from him just trying to focus on anything but him. I hope and pray that he is at least five percent better than my father is because if not then war is definantly coming and we are the cause. "Ntombazane. (Little girl)" That's me. I am utterly speechless and shaking inside right now. "S-sawubona Baba." I steal a glance at him and look away just as quickly. I am scared out of my mind. "Ufunani lana? (What are you doing here?)" His tone is just as dominating and frightening but nothing beyond that.

"I- bengi vakashela uPhila (I'm just here to visit Phila) Baba. I just wanted to know if he is fine." I feel like his eyes are stripping me bare trying to find any ulterior motive beside the fact that my ancestors are turning their backs on me due to my new sudden and strong love affair towards one person that they consider an enemy. "You can be with any boy on this planet and yet you chose my son. Why?" And this is not expected. How do I even attempt to answer such a question?"Baba..."

"Hayii thula wena ngizoza kwena. Ntombazane, ufunani kwi ndondana yami? (Keep quiet Phila I'm not speaking to you. Little girl what are you doing with my son?) " I feel like I'm in one of those mzansi's most favourite soapies and I'm the main character. Everything just revolves around me. Forgive me if I'm being ungreatful but I honestly don't like this feeling. "Ngiyamthanda uPhila Baba. (I love Phila.)" This is probably the first time I've ever said this with Phila in the same room as me. I mean I never utter such words simply because I wanted to know what his intentions were with me and now that we're here, I'm glad I did.

"Baba please just, a moment please." As I look up expecting yet another question followed by an angry sentence along the lines of 'don't ever come here again' or rather 'you are the cause of all of this so I never want to see you again." But all I see is his hard face softened with a big smile showing me just how beautiful and close to perfection Phila and his family are genetically. "Don't worry I was not going to make her suffer son. I just wanted to know what her true intentions were." If anyone were to tell me that this is what would've kept everyone else away I would've just said I love Phila around anything and everyone I saw. But ke this is not a soapie Buhle.

"You scared her." He shakes his head then sits on the couch across from us. I cannot believe that I am still sitting on Phila's lap with his arm around my waist. As his father starts with his better toned interrogation, the door busts open and as if my lucky stars have lost their magic, my father walks in looking as livid as ever. Why does this man always find me in compromising situations? I'm afraid that he might find me having sex next time if he continues like this.

If there is really a next time.