Umbutho

Eight

_Meeting you has been both a blessing and a curse all in a short period of time._

If you had told me a while ago that my father and I would not be talking to one another because of a man I hardly even know, i would've laughed in your face. Honestly I have been with the man for all of my life and never has he ever been this cold towards me even when I thought I honestly really fucked up but now, it's just a mess.

Well at least I am now allowed to go to school so that's great but again, what exactly am I going to do coming back here and just living under this tense situation? I feel like he's selfish for what he said. I never knew my mom, I only know that she abandoned my father with a 3 month baby and that's it. She basically abandoned a child that cannot even recall how she looks like, how soft or gruff her voice is and how lovely her skin and hugs are.

I don't know her and nothing hurts more than the realization that I'll never have a chance to know her because I don't even know if she's still alive or not. Walking back from school to the taxi rank I pray a little that I don't see the handsome man that has caused a rift between my father and I but I guess my prayers bump from the ceiling. He walks towards me with a stoic face filled with hurt. If only he knew how I feel in this very moment.

"Sawubona" he's voice sounds strained and his eyes are just in pain looking bloodshot red with veins popping on his forehead. How do you fight with your family about a man that probably isn't even attracted to you?  He frowns. "Why have you been avoiding me nkosazane?" He asks with a voice filled with pain and hurt. It is so uncommon that a man that hardly even knows me is affected by my presence. "I've been busy" I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of feeling and if this man has brought trouble into my life then I'm tired of his beautiful face that is filled with veins.

"That's all you're going to say?" His tone is condencendingly pissed at me right now and I know that if I say anything else I'll probably hate him like i sort of want to hate my father right now. "I'm sorry Phila but I can no longer see nor speak to you anymore" his face is now filled with confusion and worry and questions swell inside his brain just pleading  to be answered.

"Why?" The question brings to me a sort of loss. A loss of the relationship I once had with my father no matter how weird it was. A loss that has forced me to disregard the fact that regardless of the fact that I no longer want to be anywhere around Philasande Mabaso, he still invades my thoughts and there's nothing I can do to change it. "I don't know." My voice cracks as my eyes remind me of the many crying sessions that I have plans on having once I reach my room. "What happened? Please talk to me" I look at him just waiting for the monstor that seems to anger my father and piss my brother off come to the surface but nothing.

"My father..." that's all I say before realisation crosses his beautiful masterpiece personally drawn and crafted like it took them days. "I'm sorry. I should've known he wouldn't agree with out union." He says his voice growing inches lower as for his face, he is just a man that keeps revealing emotions on me. "Why? Why doesn't he want it?" This is a long and hard question that only deserves a short and simple answer but it doesn't seem like it's going to caress my ears anytime soon.

"I don't know what to say. They probably think I'm way to dangerous to be with you." He is now back to his nonchalant ways and his face back to being stoic and emotionless yet again. "Why would you be dangerous? Why am i in the cross fire with all of you?" My tears make an entrance acting like they own my eyes. His face softens yet again with worry filled in his eyes. "Let me take you home. I'll talk to your father about this" he takes his hands and covers my back. As he pulls me towards him I can already feel a sob prepare itself to keep me from speaking tomorrow. I lay my head on his chest just hoping that when I wake up, it'll all be a dream.