Living Nightmare | m.y.g (angst/smut)

Chapter 15 - Lovesick ◆

Yoongi

Looking at her as she searches the entire room, I felt the same emotion she radiates. I don't know why I am feeling too much but you know, it's inevitable when you're in love. Small things you see create great impact inside you.

But then the moment I saw her cry, cried because of me, my insides crashed too. I regret telling her that I love her. I feel stupid saying it in a desperate manner. I feel desperate. I don't want to feel desperate. I'm Min Yoongi the great. But yeah, I did. It's too late to turn back now.

I want to tell her I love her in a perfect moment. Where the stars are happily sparkling for the two of us above the sky, where we sit close under the universe without thinking about other things that bother us, where the cold breeze blows onto her skin and she would need me to heat her up. That's the perfect moment I am imagining, not this breath-cutting and anxious atmosphere we were having.

Fuck this life I have!

I thought I am already doing a great job. But when she came, I lost focus.

I became confused. I felt like I just suddenly grew conscience which I already eliminate a long time ago.

I am a hard guy. But why am I softening just because of one girl?

I shouldn't have just told her I love her. It wasn't healthy for the two of us. I just gave her hope. Which is wrong.

If she will be just patient enough to wait for me, I will fight for her. I'll start a new clean and pure life with her. If I win this battle, I will forget about everything and take her to me. I will build a very good future for the both of us. Because that's how much I love her.

•••

I heard a loud honking of the car outside.

I slid the curtain open.

Was that Mom's car?

And was that her standing outside the gate? What was she doing? Telling Mom? Could it be she's going to spill my plan? Just imagining it, anger runs through my veins.

Is it wrong to trust you? What have I done? I was just lost right now. I felt betrayed. My blood was boiling inside me. Seconds ago, I was just thinking about her, but with just one snap, everything becomes dark. Anger was all I feel at the moment.

She saw me staring at her. I lingered my stare at her. Even if I'm angry, she is the only girl who can wash it away.

"N," I whispered her name. She's like a vanilla scent and I'm addicted to her as much as I'm addicted to that kind of fragrance.

Where are you going? Are you really leaving me?

When she opened the car door, I closed the curtain shut.

She left.

My plan will continue. And I wouldn't think about her the entire duration of my plan.

She is my distraction so as much as possible, I'll stop myself from being affected to almost all of her.

I'll forget her for awhile. And when I say I will forget about her, I'll focus to Minju.

I grabbed the phone on the bedside table. I clicked the record icon and scrolled the recording list.

I clicked play. The sound of her voice singing inside the bathroom filled my silent room.

"I miss you. I really miss you."

I allow myself to think of her for the last time. It feels heaven listening to her lovely voice.

My eyes welled up with tears. This is the first time I cry because of one girl.

I felt a sharp scrape running over my heart. I could feel inside me bleeding and choking.

How long will I suffer from desiring her? I really miss her. I want to kiss her and when that happens, I will kiss her even better. I would hug her so tight and wouldn't let her go in my arms. I would care for her so much, I'll make her feel loved when I didn't feel it myself.

The recording has ended, as short as that. I don't want to play it again, it'll just make me sick.

Lovesick - feeling weak, foolish, or unhappy because someone you love does not love you

Oh. Scratch the not, because she loves me. I'll hold on to that.

My first love, my first kiss, my first heartbreak, and my first lovesick. She and her clever and skillful way of making me fall in love with her that easy. I'll ask for a payback. When I come to get you someday, no matter what circumstance I'm going to encounter, I'll make sure you'll receive your punishment.

I love you. I need you. I want you. Are there any phrases better than this? Because if I tell her this, it'll not sound special anymore because she already heard it.

Ah, I guess I'll just think about it, I still have a huge time thinking about it anyway.

I smiled while thinking about. I've gone crazy and mad.

"So much for sleepless nights." I sighed.

I open the drawer and grab a sleeping pill.

I went outside my room and for the second time, nostalgia shoots me hard in the heart leaving me exhausted and miserable.

Running to the kitchen, I grabbed a glass of water and shoot the pill in my mouth.

Seeing the knife, I felt the urge to cut myself to channel the pain. I need to get rid of the pain.

My stare lingered at it. My insides are dwelling whether to pick it up or not.

I took a deep breath.

Grabbing the knife, I squeezed my eyes shut and ran the sharp edge of the knife on the surface of my skin, leaving me cringing at the pain.

I saw blood, my eyes were blinking slowly, it felt heavy. My heart felt heavy, my body felt heavy, everything in me felt heavy.

I shut myself down the ground. Placing the knife beside me.

The blood was leaking freely, but why don't I feel anything?

"Ahh, good idea. I can sleep tight now." I smiled. And closed my eyes, wishing tomorrow when I woke up, I'll be in heaven and see my angel.

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Do me a favor :3 Vote and comment T.T

Yoongi, yoongi is killing me in this chapter. I'm sorry for angst. Sorry for the mention of blood.

*groans

I really can't stop myself from continuing to write whenever I finished a chapter. I really love all of u, thank you for showing how worthy of time this story is.

Those names I commonly see in my notifs, you know who u are all. THANKYOU ~

BTW, IM LOVING THE NEW COVER OF THIS STORY. TELL ME IF U LIKE IT TOO.

I think it became more angsty.

Till tomorrow ^^

- BTS247Heaven