TOXIC BLOODTYPE | Park Sunghoon

019 | narcissist

↪S U N G H O O N

I don't know how I put myself into this situation when it feels like I'm standing between Jay and Haeun. It almost feels like I have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, but who is who is another discussion.

Jay has been ignoring me since the department meeting and when I try to approach him and talk he just walks away. And what makes things even more difficult is that I barely know what I did wrong because Jay refuses to be around me. I know for sure it is about Haeun, I'm 100% sure it's related to her, my feelings and our relationship.

This makes me regret not telling Jay anything about Haeun sooner. I should have done it after Jay's party just like I originally thought of but I chose not to because I wasn't 100% sure about my feelings around that time. I wanted to tell Jay when my feelings were confirmed but I think I waited for too long.

I understand Jay's perspective of him being mad at me for not telling him anything about Haeun. But on the other hand, Jay should see it from my perspective as well, realizing it's not an easy conversation topic. Maybe he should start focusing on someone other than himself.

The last lesson of today had reached the end and it was time to go home. I started to gather my things as I looked down at Jay who was sitting in a few rows below me. Jay quickly gathered his things and started to walk out from the classroom.

"I will text you when I come home" I said to Haeun while I shifted my glance between her and Jay.

Before I gave Haeun the time to answer, I quickly walked out from the classroom to catch up with Jay before he disappeared. I need to talk with him and I need to do it right now.

"Jay" I called his name across the hallway but didn't receive an answer from him.

"Jay!" I called with a raised voice.

"Hey! Park Jongseong!" I almost yelled.

"What do you fucking what?" Jay responded with an angry tone.

I walked up to him and singled him to follow me. Jay rolled his eyes out of annoyance but still followed me. We walked into the janitor's closet and stared at each other for a few seconds until I started to speak.

"Why are you acting like this? Have I done something wrong or what?" I asked.

"You are asking me why I'm acting this way? At least I'm not the one who walks around with a forbidden secret. I'm not as stupid as you seem to think I am" Jay replied while he crossed his arms.

"Look, I understand that you are mad at me for not telling you about Haeun. But I didn't want to tell you until I knew for sure I felt this way and-" I responded.

"You think I'm mad at you because you didn't tell me you like Haeun? Of course it sucks to hear you say it out loud during a meeting and not hearing it personally from you, but that's not my point. My point is that you have completely lost your mind because of Haeun" Jay said.

I just stared at him, not knowing what I should say next and instead waited for Jay to continue speaking.

"Haeun is a fucking hunter Sunghoon! Have you perhaps missed such a small yet the biggest detail of her? She wants you dead and here you are falling head over heels in love with that thing?!" Jay screamed at me.

"You better watch your words Jay!" I yelled back as I pushed him.

"Do you hear yourself right now? You are seriously defending and taking her side. How can you not understand how wrong this is? I thought I could bring your common senses back to you but it seems like you are out of control" Jay said.

"I know I sound like I'm completely out of my mind, but you have to believe me when I say Haeun is not the person you think she is. If she really wanted me dead by now, I wouldn't choose to stay as close to her as I do right now" I replied.

"If you had taken your time to know Haeun just like I did, then you would understand me. But you are honestly sometimes too busy to think about yourself and your own needs, you are a pure example of a narcissist" I added.

Jay just chuckled at me. It's obvious he don't take my words seriously and thinks I'm stupid. He really thinks I am an amateur who's being non-professional right now.

"You are calling me out for being a narcissist, but haven't you realized that vampires survive by being a narcissist? You used to be a narcissist too Sunghoon before you got enchanted, now you freak out when you need to drink blood in order to survive" Jay said.

"This honestly makes me wonder if you are willing to give up your life because of Haeun. Do you really want to give up your life and become a disappointment and a failure to your whole legacy? Is that how you want your legacy to remember you?" He asked.

I went silent. I haven't thought about this until now. I do need blood in order to survive but if I dont drink blood I will not be able to survive. It's not impossible to purchase blood but it will not work in the long term since my body is so used to pure human blood.

But am I supposed to keep myself alive when I'm scared of my own nature?

"Just like I thought" Jay said as he signed.

With that said, Jay left me alone in the janitor's closet. I rested my back against the door as I slid down against it til my butt landed on the floor.

I know I'm still young and my brain is still developing, but I know I am old enough to make my own decisions and know what's right or wrong. Even though everything about Haeun is so wrong, is everything with her so right.

Me and Haeun were fated to be together but destined to be apart. Meeting Haeun was fate and becoming her friend was a choice. But falling in love with her, I had no control over it. Our fate and destiny says one thing, but our hearts say something completely different.

I only want two things in this world.

I want Haeun.

And I want us.