confused Destiny

Dead

    He walks close to me, and i feel the urge to hug him, but i hold on to the sheet instead i hate to think that i am hallucinating, i hope it wasn't imaginary,

" hi jamal"

   I reply faking a smile while looking at him, i must have given him quite a tough day, on a  day that was supposed to be happy for both of us.

     " You fainted all of a sudden, making me go nuts in seconds' ' he said, in the calmest tone, i smiled back, he was frozen for seconds too, and i went to hell, and came back, just to hear him say he loves me.

     " i am sorry for what i said, if you were shocked by it" he said, and i mentally assure myself he is thinking what i am thinking, if noy, i might as well shove a needle down his throat, because my heart is beating so fast, and i am  beginning to feel light headed already,.

    This should be bad for my health considering the fact that i am seeing and hearing things, " ehm, reth i want you to recover, i have a birthday present for you" he says and my hopes fall flat before me, i can't say i hate his vulnerability, but i hope he really likes me.

   He stares at me intensively , staring a urge deep down within me , and i picture a scene from a movie, with the main characters were in similar positions , and then a love songs plays on the screen, their heart beat fast and then then leans over and kisses the girls.

         Why can't jamal be like him, can't  he react to stimuli, i lick my bottom lip, as i imagined him doing the same  and i could sense him flinch lightly , i do it again this time much more slowly, and he had similar reactions , is this his way of telling me he wants to kiss me ?.

    Maybe he's sad I fainted and feeling hesitant, but how do I let him know? He wasn't the reason I fainted, my demons were out , life, and I couldn't control it. I should take the first move then, maybe it will prompt his desires as well.

    Either way it will come back hunting me, if i tell him and he disapproves then i will go down with a bad heart ache, and a long term embarrassment, and if he doesn't i will have myself a man i have wanted for a while now.

    " I like you Jamal , and I want you to be my man" I said to him , and i could see his stunned reaction, which pierced  my heart, does he love me too, i bet he doesn't i close my eyes to wait for anything that comes  after.

      The suspense was killing  me already, he should just tell me the honest truth,I know he is a fine looking man, and has girls at his disposal, I shouldn't be freaked out by that, he must not love me? Who the hell do i think i am anyway.

   Maybe he just likes me because we have a little bit of back history together, " i love you too reth" he  said , and i feel a sharp thud i my heart, and a rush of emotions, it felt my whole body was set ablaze,

        Does he mean that?, my eyes shut open as I stare at the man before me,

" thanks"

      I say in a whispers, this is the best birthday gift a girl like me would ever ask for , and I am glad he loved me too, i bit my lips slightly just watching him,

     " do you mind being my girlfriend?" He asked and I nod slightly why won't I?, it wasn't a proposal with a ring, flowers and chocolates , but at least he also did it in a slightly  romantic way.
       

        " yes sir jamal Peterson " I say in a dramatic way, " can I kiss you" he asked and I smiled. I had fantasized about us kissing for years now, I even imagined him dying in my arms when we were older and the. He smiles a little and I kiss him with my wrinkled lips, yea right disgusting and funny but I had the liberty to date him mentally.

     " yes" I stuttered slightly, and I play drum rolls in my head, waiting for what an actual kiss feels like, he smirks slightly then leans forwards, placing a kiss on my forehead, the sensation was way too much to handle and I find myself blushing

   He bites my nose slightly and I perceive his scent which stupefies my senses, and then his lips brush against mine and I flinch, this is lit!

    He presses his soft lips on mine, does this again till I feel moistures from his lips on mine, he does it again and again and begins to feel tingling sensation down my legs, this is way better Than I imagined.

         He maintained his slow and gently pace and I feel my soul slowly drifting away,  this is abnormal, it feels like my soul is gradually leaving and my body, I feel less of his touch now,  I begin to hear whispered in my head and I can't pinpoint the language it is, or what it means

   
     It doesn't sound human too, what is happening  I try opening my eyes, it looked like he was way too close to my face, jamal! I yelled but he didn't flinch, I seat up and he's still there in the same position

    He is kissing my body but I am here, I am behind him, I stand from the bed hurriedly still dressed in my hospital garment, and I look back at him, he was caressing my body, stunned by the view my feet began to subconsciously move backward.

   This is so unreal it's not right what is happening, am I dead?, no I am not, I can't be

   " Jamal!" I cried out loud but he was still kissing my still body, hasn't he realized that the body doesn't  have a soul?, this can only mean one thing I am dead for sure, but how will he react