confused Destiny

My life

I stare at the people holding hands while passing , the balcony has been my quick pace to depression, even a prison is more free than my current life, how can they contain happinesses so freely, they are human right?.

" Rethabile !" Mom yelled from the kitchen , what is she yelling for in particular?, i stood up sluggishly walking to the kitchen , and there she was with bulgy eyes, and I prepared myself for a deafening sound, that was sure to come.

" The kitchen's dirty! Why are you standing there ?

What have you been doing since morning ?"

All these are questions I have grown to get used to, but can't express, you really don't have a say in a n African home, it's totally impossible , and my mom wasn't any different, even in the 21st century.

I just can't wait to be a little bit free from yelling, why can't she respect my boundaries knowing I love doing things at my own pace, and besides those endless water droplets that I always match in the kitchen makes my hair spike, I don't like it.

Even wearing flip flops is a taboo as well, in a typical african home, but i can't hold my body from wanting, i wear my flip flop and then go ahead to do the chores i wasn't ready to do, the dirty dishes were like map to a whole new world.

As I slowly drift into my little world of imagination, that little world in my head where I talk to people and also laugh, just like the couples I saw earlier , that would be the best day of my life, I would share all my stories and guilty pleasure with them.

And all my adventures I repeatedly tell myself mentally, they would be the luckiest, " rethabile!" I hear a thunderous voice call me and I prepare myself for round two, " why are you standing , doing nothing"? She asked, i look at her then my hands, i was just beside the dirty dishes i haven't laid a finger on it

I thought i just did, oh i was in the lost in oblivion, were my temporary happiness lays, i smirk at her and she glares in return, " i know you are a witch it's obvious, get out of my kitchen you are simply good for nothing"

Well when it comes to words mom is always brutal with it , she doesn't care, and i try to tell myself that other children out there are simply facing the worse, at least mom doesnt beat me, that's a relives, because i push her to the verge of amputating my brain, just like i just did.

" trust me you wouldn't survive anywhere in this world, i wonder how you would be in your husband house" she curses the ten million time todays and i smirk in return, like i would love to get married at 13 who cares about her husband's house, no one , well at least not me.

I go back to my room, my uniform are dirty, i have mastered the habit of wash and wear as well, as i said earlier, i love doing things on my own pace, i wash it then head to study, even when i know i am likely not to partake in the exam tomorrow i would try my best.

If there's one thing I have learnt about being financially unstable it's feeding on hope, it was more of our daily bread , and my family had become barkers of that bread, ever since dad died living mom and my siblings in the cruel world.

He died when I was tender, maybe that is why I am not able to bond with anyone .. just maybe.

**********

Its night time already and i had drools over my book, when did i sleep, my pulsating heart tells i did not sleep well either, i had my regular dream, a hiss escaped my mouth , it was as constant as the mosquitoes auditioning for a humming contest close to my ears, they are never late always punctual.

But this time it wasn't regular snakes and dark rooms like it used to be, this time it was more fictional than normal. I saw a dazzling creature, with gray skin, long hairs, pale legs. If I were superstitious enough I would connect these nightmares to something spiritual but I won't. Neither would I increase my enigma by sharing my problems.

weeks passed and I was done with my exam, meaning the excruciately term was over. I couldn't wait to go back home, then access the peak of solitary. I hate school activities, the ritual is boring already. I did all those hula hoop dances. They were just mental exercises .

But all this were covered by a face of poker face, while my arms were rested on my chest, i feel my inside freeze as i felt a grip on my uniform, my soul had began to rage within me, it alway does when something unexpected happens , and i would just about to shout when i met a couple of blues eyes.

My heart weighed deep inside , looking around. There was a student on the same road as I was, there's someone with a weird color of eyes for dark skin. She was holding me, with veins popping in her hands, my heart began to beat faster, as my legs felt rooted to the floor.

Is she mad?, she must be , why would she hold a random child on the road, and glaring, the way she stares at me, it makes my heart pound, do i know her from somewhere , it feel that way, the way she look at me, she must be familiar, i feel i have met her if not once in my little stay on earth.

Suddenly i feel nauseous , as myriads of emotions stormed my body, that was all i needed to know i need to run, for my dear life, and it's better late than never, i jerk my hands from hers and i take to my heel, with my head still on my neck.