Delgado

Chapter 37

A/N - still on a roll 🫡 how long will it last...

TW - whole chapter either is upsetting or contains violence

I promise (I think) this is the last evil thing they're going through ❤️

~~~

Xander

Identity.

A person's sense of self, established by their own unique characteristics.

Expression.

To say or show one's thoughts or feelings.

Love.

An intense feeling of deep affection.

Three things I'd struggled with for as long as I could remember, and three things I felt like I'd just been shoved back to square one with. I wanted nothing more than to be viewed as an equal, to be treated normally, to be fucking accepted; yet I couldn't do so much as walk down the street with my boyfriend's hand in mine without being fucking beaten to shit.

My head had been pounding for hours now, the painkillers Zane had given me doing absolutely nothing for me as I lay there- weak, defenceless, fucking repulsive.

And just like that, I hated myself like I was 14 all over again.

It had taken a lot for me to get to where I was today, to accept myself for who I was today, to express myself the way I did today; yet I felt nothing but disgust as the events that had occurred today replayed constantly in my mind. The kicks to my stomach, the blows to my head, the punches to my face- I shivered and groaned, poorly attempting to roll onto my side, only to remain on my back still.

I just wanted to sleep.

I'd had to endure more questions from Zane than I wanted to, but not as many as I thought he'd ask initially. He'd finally let me go when he saw I could barely sit up on the sofa any longer, and I'd been lying on my back, alone, staring at the ceiling since.

I was just glad Jax wasn't hurt, I would've never forgiven myself if the same shit happened to him. Speaking of the devil, my phone rang and I winced as I reached for it on my bedside table; I'd refused all kinds of medical attention that didn't come from my eldest brother himself or a prescription box, so here I was suffering in fucking pain.

23 missed calls, shit.

"Jax-", I tried to speak first, but he was having none of it.

"Don't ever do that to me again", he snapped, "I've been sat here shitting it, Xan, don't ever do that to me again".

"M'sorry", I mumbled, putting the phone on speaker and dropping it on my chest, my arms were fucking aching, "phone was on silent". His exhale filled the line and I picked at my- well Xav's faded Lion King t-shirt, waiting for him to say something.

"Are you okay?", he asked quietly, all previous agitation gone, "please tell me-".

"I'm fine, yeah?", definitely not fine, "just really fucking pissed off".

"Me too", he sighed, "I wanna see you". That was a problem, Jax's parents were strict, homophobic, and all round dicks- and while he was 19 he didn't have anywhere else to go right now, and I hated it.

"I wanna see you too", I squeezed my eyes shut, the unfamiliar burn in them and the lump in my throat making me uneasy, "I'm sorry".

Silence filled the line and I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, I just kept messing this up.