The last piece of the heart

Chapter 1

Laurent had been sitting in his car with the engine off for some time, unable to find the strength to get out of it in the underground parking of an apartment building. The workday is over and he has to go home. To my husband. To the grief that hung between them.

Since Alex died, neither Larry nor Laurent could find the strength to exist normally. They couldn't live. The death of her child, who was barely six years old, turned out to be too heavy a loss.

Laurent could hardly breathe every morning after waking up. For the first months after the funeral, he hardly slept at all. Larry repeatedly found his husband on the covered terrace or in his office with a half-empty glass of whiskey in his hands and eyes red from fatigue and insomnia. Larry couldn't stop crying for weeks. The couple almost gave up work, barely coping with the daily routine of going to the store and cooking. Larry was barely holding back tears as he set the table. Especially for the first time a few days after Alex was gone. Larry then laid out the plates and automatically put a small plate for their son, only when they sat down to eat Larry realized that Alex was not with them now. And never will again. That day, Larry cried more than ever. He was simply heartbroken. They barely survived the funeral. All the news media were talking about this terrible school bus accident and that one of the dead children was the son of the famous music producer Laurent Bourgeois. This worsened the situation even more. A daily reminder of his son's death, as if an empty nursery wasn't enough for him. They felt like they were dying after Alex, but they had to move on, though neither of them knew how.

Laurent could only be more or less like the old version of himself while working in his office, so he took almost all the new music contracts for himself, despite the huge staff. But at the end of the day, he still needs to go home. Return to Larry. Laurent needs to make sure his love is okay. Find out how his day went, have a delicious dinner, and spend hours cuddling on the couch watching a stupid TV show on TV, trying not to remember that for the past six years their home routine has been very different. Previously, their evenings were filled with the clatter of little feet, children's laughter, and the lisping singing of children's songs. What a home discussion, they want the animal and argue to the point of hoarseness, defending their version. Attach school results or a cute new children's drawing to the fridge. They woke up in the middle of the night because the son once again climbed into bed with them and tried to get between dads.

Almost six months ago, they had to go to a shelter and choose a puppy...

Laurent closed his eyes a moment before the elevator doors opened. He brushed away the rising tears, forced a smile on his face, and tried to pretend that everything was all right with him.

It's not their life anymore.

And what Laurent realized today scared the hell out of him.

Because he didn't want to go down that path again. He just couldn't.

after 1.5 years...

Laurent saw how Larry managed to recover. Perhaps the job helped him, although Laurent could not understand how Larry got the strength to work with a large number of small children every day. Meet them at the school bus and escort them to it after school ends.

Laurent saw Larry play with small children, nephews, children of his friends and colleagues at every opportunity, just some kid from the playground or his students.

Laurent couldn't do it. Laurent still didn't feel his heart when he looked at the children. He couldn't imagine how he and Larry would take that step again. Every day he was more and more afraid that Larry would come home and say that maybe they should try to have a baby again. Laurent didn't want to go through this again.