Finding My Second Swan

Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

NATHAN:
Where the hell did she come from? She's seriously turned my world on its fucking axes. I swear I've totally and completely lost all my senses with her. Seriously, she's unlike anyone I've ever met before. I'm standing at her front door after she told me to sort my head out first. Only it's something I've tried to do since Paige. Sorry, Zehna. Since she was taken away from me. But even though Darcy told me what I need to do, I just don't know how.

"Will you be okay to drive home? It's pretty dark now, I'd hate for anything to happen."

Aww, you see, she does care. This made me grin before telling her I can stay here with her if it'll make her less worried about me.

"Nice try, but no, you're a big boy and I'm sure you can manage."

I'm staring at her lips again, really wanting to taste her. I contemplate walking away without kissing her again, only I find this opportunity may never come again, so I move in. And without warning, I kiss her. I kiss her while gently pushing her against the doorframe. It's hot as hell. My body is on fire, and I know hers is because she's pulling me closer. I can feel her need for me. I know she can feel mine because she's pushing her hot heat against me with her leg wrapped around my waist. My whole body shivered and the more she moves against me, the more my body craved her. So I push her back into her passageway. Once inside, I closed the door behind us. We're still going at it. I don't even think she realised we were in here, but she wasn't stopping, so I carried on. I want to feel her naked skin against mine when I make her mine. I'm moving us again so we're now on the stairs. I pushed her back towards the stairs while she wrapped her legs around my waist, pushing her hot heat against me. Fuck, just feeling this is making me want to feel her walls against my dick.

"Oh, fuck. Oh God, Nathan... what are we doing?" She breathlessly asked between kisses. Of course, I don't answer. I just pull her lips back to mine while still moving with her. She's dry fucking me, and I'm allowing her to do it.

"Oh fuck, Nathan... I'm..."
"That's it, baby, cum for me. Fuck, let me hear you."

As if on command, she digs her nails into the back of my neck. He's moaning out my name as she explodes against my now pulsing shaft. Both of us are panting struggling for air while I'm still kissing her. I'm still moving against her and I don't fucking care that I've just shot my load in my pants. Oh, believe me; that's something that has never happened to me. I don't do shit like that but with her, she's breaking all my rules. She's changing everything.

"Oh shit, Nathan... w-what the hell was that?"
This made me grin, and I end up chucking when I look into her eyes.
"That was you, telling me you want me. Baby, you want me just as much as I want you. Trust me when I tell you, Darcy, you fucking own me. I've literally cum in my fucking pants, and I don't care. Christ, I don't know what you've done to me, but I'm sticking around to find out. You're amazingly beautiful and beautifully mine... all fucking mine."
I end that by leaning in and kissing her again.
"Nathan," she rasped between kisses.
"What is it, baby? What do you need?"
"Oh God, I want you so badly right now."
I move to remove her jeans, but she stopped me by taking hold of my hand.
"What, I thought?"
She shook her head, telling me no.
"I... Oh God, Nathan not yet. Oh shit, I truly want to, but you need to do what I said first. You need to say goodbye to your past before moving forward with us."

My body instantly deflates, and I hid my head into her neck and whispered my words. I'm telling her I don't know how to while closing my eyes.

"I seriously don't know where to start. Darcy, how can I forgive myself when it was my fault? If I hadn't walked away, she'd still be alive."
After shaking her head, she told me, it's not true.
"You don't know that, Nathan. You never know what fate has mapped out for you. You chose to walk away because she hurt you, but what if you stayed? What would have happened after that? There's nothing to say you could have had a life together. There's nothing to say that, one of you could step out that door and have a heart attack, get shot or even mugged and stabbed. Nathan, you wouldn't be here with me. I've always been a big believer in fate. I've always believed that it's got a plan for me. I've been through some pretty shitty days myself, but I came through the other side. I have my baby and my home. I even found a great job working with V. Hell, even my mother's making more of an effort."
She sighed before carrying on.
"I could sit here and think of the what-ifs. What if I'd stayed with my cheating ex? Where would I be now if I stayed with him? The only other man I fell for broke my heart after I moved in with him. I had his child, only to then discover he'd been cheating on me when I was pregnant and giving birth to his child. I've built everything up. I did all of this. I built up what I have for my child. I've revolved my life around him since the moment I discovered I was pregnant while my child's father didn't do squat. He sat around all day playing on his fucking Xbox, and if he wasn't doing that, he was off fucking around instead. But I learnt from my past, and I moved on. I allowed myself to move on because I deserved to be happy.
Lucas and I... We both deserve to be happy and so do you. Nathan, you've had your hurt too, but it's time to move on. It's your turn to be happy again. I'm sorry you lost her. I'm sorry you've been in pain. But Nathan, she's not here anymore. She's not coming back. Trust me when I tell you, kick your demons out. It's time to breathe again. I mean, I'd hate for you to hold on to this for the rest of your life. It'll only make you worse in time, and in time you'll push everyone away. You'll lose everyone around you because you kept on pushing them away."

I'm looking into her eyes while she's wiping the tears away from mine. I lean into her hand because it's so warm and soft. I'm closing my eyes, loving the feel of being here with her... Darcy Quinton.

"Do what you need to do, and when you're completely ready for me... I'll be here waiting, but don't make me wait too long. I believe you're here for a reason. Whether it's with me. I don't know, but I believe we met for a reason. I don't know what the future holds for us. Hell, I don't even know if you'll come back. I don't even know if we'll work out if you do. Yet, I'm willing to see what happens if you are. Like I say, only when you're one hundred percent ready to let me in."

That night after, I left her. Oh, trust me; I didn't want to leave, but I knew she was right. I knew that I had to sort my shit out. I can't live like this anymore it's literally killing me but instead of going home, I've ended up at the park her park. I'm sitting on her bench. It's the same bench she'd taken me to that day when I brought her here. It was the same day when the Swans came back.
After leaving Darcy's place, I did go home. Only, it was to clean up and then change. After I did that, I head back out on my bike. I'd been driving around just trying to sort my head out. Only to end up, here at the park, and it's dark. The only thing giving me any light was the moon and a few street lamps behind me under the trees.
I don't know why I came here, but I know I shouldn't have. My head's so fucked-up right now I'm hoping it will help me.

"Zehna, I'm here. Shit, this feels weird. I'm talking to myself. This is nuts."

Of course, after what Jack said, sometimes they can hear you. Even if they're not there. I went to see him after I found out she had died and asked him to call for her. Obviously, he tried, but she wasn't listening. She'd left me completely, and I didn't even get to say goodbye. I didn't even go to her funeral. I couldn't do it because I was in bits I literally couldn't move. I was in hell. The guilt of walking away was slowly eating away at me. I've been so angry with her for not coming to see me. Why wouldn't she come to me? I pleaded, and begged for a sign, something to tell me she was here... but it never comes.

"I'm sorry, Zehna. I'm so fucking sorry. I should've never got on my bike. I should've just pulled you into my arms and told you we'd be okay, but instead of telling you like I wanted to I ran. I ran away like the big fucking ass-hole I am and for that, I'm truly sorry. Fuck, I miss you. I miss you so much, but Darcy's right. She's right I can't keep ongoing not like this.
I've been pushing everyone away; including my parents, sisters and friends. Everybody is sick now. They've had enough of me being so angry with the world. Hell, I'm sick of me, but she... I mean, Darcy. Well, I don't know what it is about her but something is happening and I've no fucking clue what it is. I mean, I do it's just, I'm scared of everything, but more so about this. I mean, this is hard probably one of the hardest things I've had to do."

Suddenly out of the corner of my eye, I see a white, figure. I'm convincing myself it's her. She's finally come to me. Only as the figure draws closer, I see that it's not her. No, it's not her it's a White Swan. I'm watching it as it walks past me and then into the water. As I'm watching it, go it meets up with its partner. Damn it's a Black Swan. I can see it's a Black Swan only because it's wrapping its neck around the white one. Oh man, that's amazing. Wait.

"Zehna? Shit, are you here?"
I get no answer. I never get any answers, but I know a sign when I see one. So if this is indeed a sign then, she's telling me. Man, I hope it is. But I think she's telling me, to move on. I think she could be, telling me, that Darcy's my second chance Swan. Maybe or I could just be imagining this shit.