Finding My Second Swan

My Lemons

MY LEMONS

NATHAN,
A few hours earlier...
I can see she's still a little nervous. It's cute if I'm honest. Most of the time she's pretty confident, but seeing her with my family made me even more certain. I know I've made the right choice. I know this because my heart pounded in my chest, which is something I've not felt in a long time.
Mum likes her, and I know Leo likes her too. It's even more of a bonus they've taken a shine to Luca. And yes, my mother is worried but I've told her I want this with Darcy and Luca. I know it's big taking on another dude's kid, but he's amazing. I couldn't imagine not being in their lives. Sadly, Jenna got in my head, which resulted in me drinking far too much. She'd basically given me the "big sis talk" while also reminding me of why I'd been so fucked-up over the past year. It made my head go back right back to being fucked-up.

"What if she left you, Nath? I mean, you don't know this girl. Look, all I'm saying is just step back and take time to get to know her. Come on, think about it. She has a kid for God's sake, and he's not yours I might add too. Are you sure you can handle that responsibility?"
Yeah, hearing this made me throw Zeal in her face.
"Yeah, you of all people should understand this. Zeal is living fucking proof."

Yep, she slapped me. It might have sounded harsh, but it's the truth. He's with her he's accepted Lincoln as his own, so why can't I do the same with Luca?
I had enough of her shit, so I grab a bottle and storm out of there. She calls out, me telling me to come back, and she's sorry but I carry on and make my way outside. I know Darcy is out back waiting for me but I need to breathe I need to clear my head. I can't go back to her with all this and Zehna in my head. It's not fair to her I cannot do this to her. I can't allow her to see her death still affects me.
The drinking isn't helping at all. I need to stop. I should stop but it's going to take time. You know to, fully come back. I can't just switch it off with the click of a finger. I want Darcy I want her so badly but the guilt is still there I don't think it'll ever go either. I know I want this with her, but I need help. I think I may need to see someone to talk it out, so I can move forward. I don't know, but right now, I'm struggling.
With that thought, I think if Darcy. I want her. I need to hold her. She makes me forget. I forget everything when I'm with her.
Fuck me, she's perfect.

As I make my way around the house. Yeah, I refuse to go back to the house just to get another lecture. When I get close to her, I see Zeal sitting next to her. As I draw closer, I just make out what she's saying. Oh man, I hear her say something that makes my heart threaten to fly out of my chest.

"I see a fresh start for not only him, but for me too, and my son. He loves Nathan."

"You, you love me?" I ask with wide shocked eyes. Holy shit, hearing her say this makes my body come alive. Call me crazy but I like the sound of this. Well, I did until she suddenly begins backing up.

"Oh crap, I didn't mean. I mean... Shit."
Total devastation hits me, knowing she's backing up she doesn't love me. This shouldn't bother me but it felt nice to know that she felt that way. I'm still looking at her while Zeal moves towards me.

"I'll leave you to it."

After saying this, he whispered into my ear. He's telling me something that makes me relax just by hearing it. Only right now I'm not sure if he's right just yet. Anyway, I'm still looking at her when she carries on.

"I-I didn't mean. I mean, no. Shit! Nath, I just meant that Luca loves the bones of you."
Why does this hurt so fucking much?
"Nath, please come and sit with me. Let me try to explain this. Please."

I'm swaying a little, but I hold myself up while also trying to just hold my shit together. Luckily, I manage to sit down next to her without falling. However, for my heart though? Well, I think it's too late. I'm feeling the pull again so I move in closer to her while taking hold of her hand. I take hold of it and place a kiss on the palm. Only when she finally speaks again and with what she says. Well, I don't like where it's going.