𝕾𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝕾𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗 - [𝗦𝘁𝗲𝘃𝗲 𝗛𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘁𝗼𝗻]

𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓 𝐱. 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘰𝘱, 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳

𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓 𝐓𝐄𝐍 - to hop, love scar

update two, 25/12/2022

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 "𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖... 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐄 kept telling me that they were sorry for my loss. They'd clap me on the shoulder and tell me that time heals all wounds. They said it would get easier to wake up each day without you there to greet me. They were wrong. They were really, really wrong.

 I thought it was getting better, at first. It hurt until I thought I'd stop breathing when I found out you wouldn't be coming home to us. It felt like somebody had taken a crowbar to my chest, taking each and every rib until they burrowed into my heart. I felt sick, all the time.

 Then it all stopped. It was like I had become stone. I let myself smile and laugh because I pretended as though the pain didn't exist. I buried it for safekeeping, and then, when I was alone, I'd dig it back up.

 It exploded in my face each time. I'd smother my own mouth, hoping that the people in the dorms beside me wouldn't hear. I'd slather on make-up beneath my eyes to cover up the purple skin.

 When we went back to Joyce, and had Steve by my side every night... I had to take a time out. Like clockwork, I'd leave the house for a drive around town. That was my excuse anyway... But that wasn't it. I had to let everything out before I popped.

 I'd scream in my car until my face was red. I'd cry until I had to pull over and empty my own stomach. It took everything I had to drive back. To make sure that I came home... and I only did it because I knew how it felt to watch that front door remain shut. To never see the person you loved ever again.

 I wish I'd done more for you. I threatened you that day, I told you I'd keep you right by my side... but in the end, I let you leave and you never came back. I know you did it for us, so that we were safe, and so that Hawkins was safe. But I wish you'd been selfish.

 I wish you hadn't left. I wish you'd chosen to stay with us. I wish you were here.

 Everything's going wrong. Eleven won't even look at me; I don't know if it's because every time she see's me, she thinks of you. I don't know if she's finally realised how much of a monster her sister is... I don't know if it's because I have everything she doesn't. She doesn't have Mike or Max with her anymore. She doesn't have her powers... It's eating away at her, and she won't let me help.

 It's been six months now, Hop, and I don't know what to do. I'm here, at college. I'm painting and sculpting... I've even taken up writing. I want to write stories so that people can read about the things we've actually lived through, and learn to not be afraid because there'll always be a hero like you to save the day. But I want to write about the heartbreak that comes with sacrifice, to prepare people.