- freaking hopeless romantic.

my heart is bleeding to death

and I can genuinely feel it. It's as if my insides were telling me I had an internal injury. But no accident happened, I'm supposed to be healthy and pretty. I'm supposed to be cheerful for their relationship.

I'm none of the above.

I am supposed to shut up because I literally told her she could get with him if she had the opportunity to. I was in fact just trying to get a "I will never" from her. I never did. I mean it's understandable, I stole her crush when we were like 14, but for god's sake I already paid the price : he raped me multiples times. My karma won't stop, he's trying to kill me slowly.

I can feel my wounded heart literally screaming to get healed. I can't do anything for you, love, I already tried. I fell apart with the owner of the heart that is supposed to be mine.

Seeing them holding hands, talking way more with her than he used to do with me, flirting with each other, it just opens my heart even more. The blood I'm losing is filling up my body. I just hope to end up dying from blood loss, because nothing hurts more than looking at them. If I make myself small around them it's not only because I don't belong here, it's not only because I do not have a home anymore, it's because the pain makes my eyes wet and my thoughts killing my brain.

Sometimes I hate them, I hope karma passes by and finally brings me mercy. Because sometimes I wonder if I should just go back to my ex, everything was like hell on earth with him but at least I was receiving love sometimes. I'm craving for anyone able to give me some bandaids for my heart and some love. I wanna feel loved like I used to.

I can't get back home, the door is closed. There's my man laying in the bed with another person than me, and for once I'm not talking about his actual girlfriend. I lost a battle I didn't know existed. I can't forget him, it's too late now. It's been one year and a half, I've never loved someone for so long before. He's not the one I loved the deepest, my ex own that title, and that's maybe why sometimes I wished I was still in his arms. But we can't get everything we want right?

I can't get someone to stick with me and love me without raping me or ending up being unlovable.

I can't get the keys to get back home, so instead I opened myself out to create a river of bloody love. My heart needed more space to cry into, so I gave it the front door of the one that cut him deep down.

I can't get high, every time I try to escape them the memory of their flirts comes back to assassinate me one more time.

I
can't
get
him
back
and it makes my heart cry blood during days and nights.

He still has the keys of everything that is supposed to belong to me, because I'm entirely his along with all my belongings.

I'm begging you to take me home sweetheart, I don't think I'll have enough blood for a last paragraph.

I love y-