- freaking hopeless romantic.

i hope you think about me when you kiss her

     is he putting on my ring because it was my best friend's? did he come because she was here? is he going to ask her out when his girlfriend will leave him? why is he straight? why am i a man? what did i do to deserve this? why am i just a friend? will i be one forever? why did he kiss my neck? why am i a secret? am i a shame to you? are you just not dealing with your feelings? do you have some for me? can i beg you to? am i just overthinking? you don't love me, do you?

     whats so special about her? is she giving great kisses? why don't you want to taste mine? do i look that bad? don't you think she looks terrible? what did she do to you? how did she make you fall for her? may i ask her how much was the love potion? how can you stay with her still?

     why is she able to hold you like that? to touch you like that? to hug you like that? why are you lying about not wanting to stay with her in the future? are you lying to yourself? are you trying to catch someone else during that lie? can i be that someone? are you aware that you're what i desire the most?

     im tired of begging gods and shits to make you fall in love with me. im tired of not being enough. im tired of not being the one allowed to hug you in public spaces. im tired of being the kept-in-secret one. im tired of questioning our relationship every night before sleeping and every day when im supposed to be focused on working. you're driving me crazy. what do i have to do if i want to be the one that you desire? the one that you want to hug and hold the whole day?

     the way y'all look makes me so sick. it hurts, it really hurts to see her smiling in your arms. it really hurts to know that everything i imagined was just, in fact, my imagination. it hurts to know i'll never be her. i play games with you every day, i call you every night, i say good night to you every time, you're the only one i do that with. how do people manage to make others fall for them? i am a disaster with relationships.

     hey, can i ask you a question? do i have a chance with you? is there a reality out here where i can date you? i can't describe how much im desperate, yet hopeful about our future. i like the way you look at me, i like when you stare into my eyes without leaving them. im trying my best to follow you, i promise, but eye contact is for strong people, and i'm a freaking worm.

     thats it. im tired. im hurt. i just want one of your hugs. i hope you think about me when you hug her. i hope you think of when you kissed my neck every time you kiss hers. i hope you feel guilty about hiding that from her. i hope she'll leave you, because, for god's sake, i want you to be mine.