Little Freak H.S

7. Up in the air

Oi, how are you guyssss🥰 it's winter time y'all and I've come to realize the timeline I had for this book is off... none the less we're just gonna feel the Christmas vibes into the new year.... Until I feel like the book is concluded🫡❤️

Haze

You know what I love? Airports during Christmastime.
Yes the holiday scramble is a bit much and makes me almost miss boarding and TSA but it's an uncontrollable wait or slow down that forces you to be in the moment. I live for moments like that.

Like traffic, and there's nothing you can do but sit and wait for it to end. Listen to some music and just do what you can. Most people hate traffic and curse at it for making them late or slow down in their hurry but it's not going to make time speed up or fix the problem. If it's accident related, then I feel that makes it even worse. Where's the compassion, the worry. La moves too fast for any of that though. Either you're in or you're out, no one is waiting for you figure it out though. The city of angels is really a city of glorified blood sucking demons, we just can't slow down long enough to realize it.

Which is why I like airports at Christmastime.

I have my AirPods in almost the entire time except for when I'm being checked and walk though the metal detector. But as soon as I'm out my headphones are back and I'm muffled to the chaotic stillness that looms around me. I find traveling to be something you just have to go with the flow. I don't do well with pressure or hasty decisions.

I am flying to New York for a business meeting with my modeling agency and then I have a pre- photoshoot workshop with Gucci. Since i have done well within my agency they've offered me a sort of audition shoot with other models since most brands are trying to find the next big models. Which is just carbon copies of other famous models but regardless it sells and pays my bills.
Over the years of my short career Ive grown to value the modeling I do myself because I feel more connected to more fans on my social media. Major modeling just lays my bills, which I'm grateful for but it's just getting more and more far fetched and reusing of old ideas.
I swear the next fashion catalogs are going to be models wearing silverware as clothes. Because Crazy sells.

I've never worked with them before, this is a huge step in my career I just hope they share my same values. I don't want to work with ugly brands, I care too much for the work that I do. I want to be proud of it not ashamed. I want to look elegant not slutty. I have bad memories and the last thing I want is for the internet to shame me for being out of touch or whorish. I care about that a little too much and I may or may not have allowed that fear and anxiety of the past to dictate the things I allow myself to be associated with.

There are just some fears you have to let control you to survive.

"Please make your way to your seats, boarding will end shortly." The flight attendant announces as I'm walking into my plane finally.
It's a full plane as I expected with the holidays. Thanks giving is 6 days away,  most of November flew by I feel, but I have no plans for thanksgiving so it's not a huge staple in my schedule.
This possible Gucci contract however is  something I've been anxious for.

Bea has invited me to be Friendsgiving which is just another one of her parties but I'm not sure I'm staying long for that. I'm not used to having a family like that here in LA. I've been here for a few years now and she has gotten closer to me and what I would consider my inner circle I just associate bad things with family related times such as thanksgiving and Christmas. It's a gift giving family oriented Christian holiday that I barely acknowledged before Beas parties. I used them as excuses to get wasted and forget about my shitty experiences with holidays but after what happened recently I've toned down my drinking and tried not to get shitfaced.

My therapist says I should embrace the discomfort I feel on these things. Open up to my fears and try and understand them.
I told her no.
Just to be stubborn but I honestly just didn't want to acknowledge that she was right. She's the profesional emotion reader and I'm paying her to help me figure my shit out. I just don't like her being right. I don't think I like anyone being "right about me." Not even myself.

I find my seat and shimmy towards it. Luckily it's a window seat so I only have to deal with one person invading my personal space and so I can watch us go down if the plane crashes. I'd rather be in the know then be in denial.

The plane stops boarding and settles down for take off. I put my seatbelt on and headphones in once I'm settled ignoring the procedures as I've been on what feels like 100 flights in my lifetime. I tune out everything else, listening to music and daydreaming out the window.
I realize I've forgotten to take my medications this morning as I was in a rush to get to the airport in time because of Bacon and his bipolar tendencies. I can't leave without one last snuggle, he knows this so why he made it a game to evade me at all costs I don't know. In the end as I was opening the door to give up he snuggles around my legs and allows me to shower him with goodbye hugs and kisses.
Took him long enough, I was 15 minutes late to the airport which stole all the comfort time I always try and give myself when I need to be somewhere.

I reach down into my carry on and retrieve my medication pouch.
I dump my Wednesday pills into my hand and knock them back without needing any water.

I resume my gazing as the plane starts moving, preparing for takeoff. I zone out thinking about my work week and goals I'm wanting to accomplish. Just something to keep me going. Another therapist recommended method to reduce my anxiety.

I feel my seat get jolted forward, not hard but enough that I noticed it. It was only mine which means someone's kid has found it's new favorite game of annoy the person in front of them until they get yelled at or scolded. Wonderful. I ignore it hoping it was a one time thing.
Shortly after that thought enters my brain I feel the same jolt behind me. I take out my earbud to direct my attention to the child who doesn't have manners.

I take a deep breath to calm myself down before I turn around and ask them to stop. When the deep breath leaves my body I feel a soft tap on my shoulder. The finger was heavy and firm. It wasn't a child.

"Haze I don't think drugs are allowed to be smuggled into commercial flights." A smooth voice whispers so only I can understand what's being said. By the tingle remains on my neck the person was closer than I thought.

A familiar feeling seeps under my skin as goosebumps appear. The former irritation being replaced with calm realization.

Harry.

I turn around slightly to confirm it was him and I'm met with that same boyish grin that ages him back 5 years. So innocent and pure.
"What are you doing here?" I decide to ask instead of compliment how perfect his teeth are.

"Sadly, Traveling for work, what about you?" He leans forward more to avoid disturbing who he's sat next to.
A lady no younger than 60 is sat next to him with a book in her hands and reading glasses resting on her nose.

"Same here, as usual. The only time i really travel?" What are the odds were on the same flight honestly. Our management is pretty close together so it's not surprising they schedule the same time flights.

"Crazy coincident?" He asks with laughter softly leaving his lips.

I nod and agree to how strange it is nonetheless.
The pilot announces take off and me and Harry move to sit back in our seats ending the conversation.

A small smile is displayed on my lips subconsciously as I try and return to my window watching.

The plane leaves the ground and my attention is taken over by how small things get. It reminds me how little our problems really are compared to the entire world.