Little Freak H.S

8. Eyes for red

Ive been slacking on my updates y'all I know and im sorry! Thank you to those who are liking it so far! Hope you like it, good things to come. OH AND HAPPY NEW YEARRRRR AND MERRY CHRISTMAS YA FILTHY ANIMALS!

Harry

5 am is apparently when everyone decides to catch a flight to New York from LA. How dense this airport is, is insane. I don't mind it however I'm surprised. I thought it was an early flight but this is making me realize it's comparable to rush hour.

I appreciate the busyness as a distraction from the thoughts in my head. I haven't been able to stop thinking since I left the bar 5 days ago. I can't focus on one thought for long though. Not just internally but with music. I can't write or play without messing up lately.
The guys think I'm deprived and am starving which is why I can't give them 100%. When they say that they're referring to women and sex. I'm not deprived. I'm not lonely. I'm not anything.

I don't know what I am, I'm just here I guess. In America , pursuing my music career with 4 lads that went through the same problems as I did during the pandemic. That's where my focus should be but it's not.

I've gotten better, moving here has made things a-lot easier, moving on is easier when you're thousands of miles away from anything that can remind you of them.  However what I didn't anticipate wasn't a something but someone.

This airport is quite big and getting to where I need to go is going to take some time I've gathered but i left 30 minutes early so I have some time to spare.
I try and zone out but my brain won't shut off, and some may say drown it out with music but I don't work that way. Music is my work, I think about music all the time sometimes I just want utter silence. Deafening and absolute silence that you can hear. I crave that nowadays.
Fans screaming your name whenever your at work makes silence more quiet. When I'm surrounded my sounds and cheers it sometimes overwhelms me but also fills me with a rush I haven't felt anywhere else.

I make my way through TSA with a mask on to hide myself from any possible fans. I'm not that recognizable yet, I relish the day that people notice me just by what I wear and how I walk. I've been told to prepare for that, I don't know how ones supposed to do that though. It's not something that can be taught.

Ive been in LA for 6 months now, preparing and working in the studio. however ive kept a low profile, I didn't go out, didn't have friends besides the boys, even now I still don't have anyone id consider a friend. Well, maybe one. 

My house was where I spent my time that and when in wasn't in the studio recording or writing I was at home trying to drown out the loud thoughts in my head. Thoughts of before LA, before everything resumed as if nothing had ever happened. Covid halted my career, I was at a complete standstill and had nothing going for me. But I had Camille. 

When time seemed to have froze on me and everything I had, Camille kept it all going. my drive, my soul. She brought me out of the darkness for 2 years. showed me life beyond a career I was willing to kill for. I was desperate and she taught me to wait, hold on until the smoke clears and then just take a chance. In the end thats exactly what happened. the smoke cleared. I didn't know it then but Camille was just apart of the frozen haze.

"Please make your way to your seats, boarding will end shortly." I hear the stewardess announces as I sit down in my seat. I'm by the window like I had asked. its better to know when your falling to your impending doom. And who knows, it might feel like skydiving... without the parachute. 

I settle into my seat and prepare for this 5 hour flight. I am so exhausted from today, I may just pass out once we take off.  

Once I'm settled I remove my mask as its not technically required anymore and I mostly use it to protect myself against getting sick throughout the airport but also to disguise myself. But since I'm on the plane I will take it off until we leave the plane.