Little Freak H.S

9. Will will do what Will will do.

Hi loves!! I'm back. Don't hate me pleaseeee. Over a year is a crazy length for a break🥲 I haven't forgotten just got busy with college classes for a while😭🫶 if you're here I'm so happy to have you.
I'm reading the comments and seeing the votes and it makes my heart warm!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!

Haze

"Oh for fucks sake Will I know what you're trying to do!" I need to make a mental note that the Brit's have been rubbing off on me lingo wise...

"Hazen, you have been falling apart for months, the viewers can see it, I can see it, you're friends too. When are you going to see it! hmm?" Will shouts at me through the phone.

ive been in my hotel room trying to get a hold of him for 2 hours. Its bigger than a normal hotel room but it isn't the suite. Harry is,not surprisingly, right down the hall surely in a similar room.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I deny. Who is he to tell me I'm falling apart. Even though I am definitely falling apart... again

"H you're entire schedule is forwarded to me anytime it changes, you started going to therapy twice a week in stead of biweekly. you shut down last month and I had to rearrange all these shoots for your wellness. So don't fucking lie to me and say you don't know what im talking about" I can tell hes stressing about this and my response to things lately.

"What is happing that you're not telling me?" despite our interactions lately he and I usually have a close relationship.

Like he said, he has my days laid out in front of him and its updated whenever it changes because of my assistants.besides my therapist, Will knows me, whether I like it or not and ive gotten used to it. I just don't know how to exist with this thing, and keeping it separate from my work and my life is the only thing thats helping.

"Nothing is happening." nothing that concerns him.

"If you don't tell me ill just have to keep guessing and doing what I think is right for you..." I stay silent on the line knowing hes right.

"Is it Bea?"

"Niall?"

"Soph-"

"I don't want to talk about her. " I interject. "It has nothing to do with her." Thats the honest truth for once it has nothing to do with her.

"Well come on haze what is it? is it family?" He continues rambling off issues he knows Ive dealt with before.

"Will it doesn't matter. Im better now so just.." I push out a frustrated breath running my hands through my hair to keep it from out of my face. "Stop throwing him and I together. Okay. Stop its degrading and gross, he's a friend."

"Okayy! fine. You've gotta understand I was just trying to help." Will explains. Hes a good guy, Hes protective of his clients and just wants us to be successful. Lately i haven't been in it ike I usually am. As much as I want to confess to him I cant.

"I know that, but when have I ever given you the idea that a man would be the solution?" I ask. Hes seen me with guys before and how detached I am. It never works out and I get labeled a heart breaker. Man eater.

its not my fault im just... I don't know broken I guess. You think that maybe one day you'll find the love of your life but for me, I just cant ever see myself with someone like that. Giving myself to someone, freely and not feeling vulnerable. I cant allow myself to do that. Love is not a familiar feeling for me, not one that isn't artificial. Or forced. Or expected.

I create this image of certainty and honesty, however what im doing, hiding this struggle deep inside thats going against everything ive tried to build.