IF WE HAD TODAY

WHY CAN'T IT BE ME?

I always thought you were different from everyone. You were very quiet. You had this look in your eyes that if I look closely, I feel like I could see through you. There was sadness in there. I wanted to ask you how you were feeling that day, but I didn't. I had too much work to do, and you had little care about everyone.

I had heard what they said. I know that your fiance left you for another man, and that she took all your time and in the end, she left you an empty shell of yourself. Everyone in the office knew about it. After all, you shared the same office for 3 years, until she hooked up with your boss, and now she's promoted to chief and moved to the 12th floor while you're stuck here in 5th, with all of us.

I wanted to tell you that it's okay.. That she does not deserve someone as loyal as you, that she is not worth all your pains, that she is not even thinking about you because she is busy pleasing somebody else. But, you probably know that. You probably even thought of it before I did, after all, you have been together since college. I know you promised to love each other for the rest of your lives, it sounds crazy but I always thought it is not a good idea to promise someone 'forever', because I don't believe in it. Forever only existed because of all the Disney movies, there never was a forever in real life. Everything changes, everybody leaves. But you are not me, you are a good man. You believed in fairy tales and sunshine after the rain, and you innocently gave away your heart to someone you believed is your true love.

I wanted to talk to you that day I saw you wipe a tear in the lobby. I saw what you saw, I saw her smiling and crying while she was saying 'YES' to him. She was so happy that she was given a big surprise proposal in front of everyone in the office. And while everybody was congratulating them, my heart bled for you.

I was there when you ran upstairs because I followed you. I heard you cry in silence. I wanted to talk to you then, I almost had the courage but I had to stop myself, for whatever reason, I found myself in awe of your pain. That may sound creepy, but, I was happy that that moment finally happened. I knew right there and then, that this time was what you needed to finally snap out of the illusion that she's probably going to come running back into your arms. I let you cry because I wanted you to feel everything, all the hurt that you have secretly been keeping deep inside. I wanted you to let it all out. So I walked away, and pretended that I did not see anything that day.