IF WE HAD TODAY

BEFORE THE WORST

I remember everything from last night.

You said things that I never thought you'd say. You told me everything about her. I felt jealous because you loved her that much. I've never been loved like that. She was lucky, but you were not. Your love for her did not have a good ending. She ended it because you were too good for her, and it was not fair to you.

She broke your heart, and you don't know how to pick up the pieces. Despite your hurts, you managed to tell her you were happy for her. You told her that you're seeing someone else, just so she would not feel bad for you. You told her to chase her dreams while you are drowning in your nightmares.

You're too good for a bitch like her I tell you.

You told me it doesn't matter what I think anymore, because in the end, good guys like you finish last. And now, even when you're doing everything that you can do to support her, the proposal that just happened was the last blow.

You told me you've talked about marriage before. She said she does not believe in marriage. She said that marriage was nothing more but a piece of paper meant to show off to everyone. She said it doesn't matter if the two of you will not get married because for her, your love was enough.

You told me you believed her, but you planned on marrying her anyway. You said you planned this huge surprise, you had your rings made, planned the songs and the place you were supposed to propose. You set her up on a friendly date with her friends, a movie of her choice.

Everything was ready, but she said she was too tired to go out.

Right then you knew, it was over. But you played along.

You hid the ring in your pocket and waited for her to tell you the bad news.

"Honey, let's talk"

You can almost hear the pounding in your head.

This is it.

"I've been thinking about us, and I realized that I love you so much. Too much that I can't even do anything else. We spend so much time together that we shut out everyone else. We spend moments being in love, we forgot to grow."

I want to grow old with you.

"I think.. We should break up."

Marry me, please?

You said you did not say a word after she said hers. You just kept quiet. She kept crying and you just stood there. Replaying everything in your head. You wish it was only a dream, but it was not. It was real.

You said time froze. You felt everything was moving except you. You can't believe it was about to end and there was nothing you could do to stop it.

"What's his name?"

"What?"

"What's his name, Diane?"

"How did you know?"

"Just answer the question."

"He's not the reason I'm leaving you."

"What's his name?"

"Derek."

"Goodbye, Diane."

You said you believed everything that she said because you felt it too. It's just that she found another man to help her get out of your toxic relationship. It was good while it lasted because it was real. But just like how the song goes, sometimes love just ain't enough.

I told you that life is like that. No matter how you imagine your life is like, reality will always snap you out of it. It's our expectations of how things will be that is keeping us in the illusion of perfection. I told you we all know that nothing is perfect in this world, but sometimes we think that we are the exception.

I always thought that finally talking to you would mean something to me, and it did, just not in the way that I thought it would.

I felt sad hearing your story. I don't know why, that's how you impact me. I know you expected me to tell you more stories, give you more words of encouragement, but after I told you the reality of how I saw your relationship, I said that I wanted to go home.

I left you there that night.

I walked home alone.

I did not even bother changing, I immediately wrapped myself with my favorite blanket and turned on my music.

I hate myself for talking to you that day.

Because, you killed all the magic.

I never wanted to feel what you made me feel, and now I feel miserable too. I wanted to be the one to make you happy but what happened is you were the one who made me feel sad, and down. Ugh.

I need to sleep.