IF WE HAD TODAY

TAKING CHANCES

The sound of the cafe is literally filling up the air. I can't help but smile the rest of the time we were there.

I was so happy I can barely keep up with what you were saying.

I feel like that night was when I just gave up on thinking too much and just went with the flow. I can feel you opening up your life, and I opened up too.

I told you about me. About my life, how much I hate the name Nicole. I told you all about my past lover..s. I told you about my first love, and you told me yours.

You told me you've only loved one girl, and that she chose to break your heart. You told me you never gave her any reason to feel unloved, and that the only thing that could probably be blamed is that you just loved each other too much.

"Bullshit." I blurted.

"What did you say?"

"I say BULLSHIT."

You did not say anything you just smiled, so I went on.

"I say what a load of crap to that reason. How can loving too much be the cause for a breakup? I say, give as much as you can give, in the end, if it works out, you know it's because you did everything, and if it won't, then there's no point looking back because you have given everything you could possibly give, and going back will be just like reading a book over and over again even though you already know how it ends."

"What if.. you just like how the story goes?"

"You can always think about it, there's no point reading the whole book over again.."

"What if I like reading from the start?"

"Then you're just wasting your time, the end will still be the same no matter what.."

Awkward silence. Have I hurt you? Have I said too much again?

"You know what, you're right. You are absolutely right. There's really no point."

"Thank you."

Whew. I thought I blew it. Moments like those, I call it my 'WORD VOMIT'. I just can't stop once I start.

"By the way, why did you tell me your name was Elizabeth?"

Oop. He remembered.

"You know.. from two nights ago? You told me your name was Elizabeth.."

"It's just a habit that I have, I don't give out my real name when I'm out for drinks."

"Why?"

"So I can avoid serious questions.."

"Huh?"

"You know.. It always starts with the exchange of names, then the last names, then the work place.. and then, you talk about something else, something personal.."

"I still don't get it.."

"When I start the conversation with a lie, I usually lie the whole night. That way, I know no matter what I say, I know that person won't know who I am because I gave the wrong name."

".."

"When I see that person someplace else, and he calls me by a fake name, I'd immediately know I met him in a bar."

"Clever."

"I know right?"

You smiled again. I liked that. I like making you smile. I thought I should figure out ways to keep you smiling like that.

"You look good when you smile, you know.."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, you're always so grumpy in the office every time I see you."

"Well.. You might not be looking all the time, I do know how to laugh you see."

"I know that.. But you just seem to be carrying a heavy burden each time I see you.."

Wow.. I had no idea I can be as straightforward as I was that night.. I guess I thought I should just tell you whatever it is I want to say.. You know, if ever you decide not to see me again, or I decide not to see you again.

"Well, that was then. I am ready to look forward now. I am done with whining."

"Very good! There's really no point looking back now.."

"Thank you."

"Me? Why?"

"Well.. You were the only one who told me I look miserable.. Even though I know everyone else thinks the same way.."

"Well, it's not everyday you meet someone from the office drink at the same bar.."

"Hah.. Touche." You took a small sip from your cup.

Cappuccino. I liked that you liked the same drink that I like. Matter of fact, I have been ordering cappuccino since forever. I never tried the other mixed coffee drinks, I was curious yes, but I like mine simple.

"What?"

"Huh?" Did I say something?

"Oh never mind. I thought I heard you say something.."

Well if you can read minds then you can hear me talk a lot.

"So.. What's your plan?"

"Plan?"

"You know.. For getting over her.."

"Oh.. I did not think about that.."

"You should.."

"Maybe I should first get rid of her things at my apartment.."

"You mean you still keep her things?"

"Yes, I mean, what if she's gonna want to take them back..?"

"Oh, Christian, when a girl says goodbye and leaves you behind, she's going to bring everything that she wants and leave what she doesn't need. That's why she left you."

"That's harsh."

"But it's the truth, nonetheless."

"It is."

You took another sip.

"You want to come with me?"

"Where?"

"I'm going to get rid of her stuff right now, I may not want to do it tomorrow."