13 Dances (A Seventeen Fanfiction)

-8-

Not very enthusiastically I let the pen wander over the paper. I was trying to draw some of the flowers again. It hurt too much to try and draw him right now. I had made progress with it but his eyes didn't hold the same warmth and cheerfulness and his smile wasn't as beautiful as it was in reality. His features weren't as refined and his hair not as silky. My thoughts got lost in the most recent memory of the ballroom. I wondered if Jun ever used all of his coupons. Probably not. We still were very close, but his actor career led him to other places so often that most of our contact was of digital nature. Soonyoung was successful as well. He was the owner of a dance studio. But at least he lived nearby and whenever time allowed it, he invited me over or came for a spontaneous visit. Lately he had been pretty caught up by extending his studio though. I kinda missed him stopping by so often, but obviously I understood.

I focused back on my drawing. Actually, the flowers were really beautiful over here. Did we even have those in the real world? No, I scolded myself, you are supposed to not like it here if you want to return soon. In a sudden wave of anger, I ripped the paper to shreds and threw them away from me. "You can't force it", Sabrina sighed. She had sat down next to me quite some time ago, silently. "You don't understand", I sulked, "But I need to get back. And if it's only because for his happiness." "I told you that's not how it works", she gave back firmly, "You only can return if you do it for you. Not for him. It's you who needs to live with your decision, he made his already when he proposed. Wanting to return for his happiness is not valid here." "Dang it", I mumbled annoyed. Sabrina smiled softly and got up, offering me a hand. "I think it's about time for the next memory." I looked up. It had been a while indeed. "Let's do this then", I shrugged and took her hand.

Back in the ballroom I was surprised to see someone I didn't recognize at first. Were we back to my school days again? Have I talked to him while working part time at the café? There had been lots of regulars there, he could easily be one of them. Whoever he was though, he looked good. He was tall and kinda intimidating, his dark bangs falling into his eyes. But that was what made him even more attractive. He bowed and offered me his hand. This time I took it with more suspicion. Why did he look so familiar?

I leaned against the railing of our houses' terrace. I had left Junhui with Alessia and instead decided to look after my other friends. I had found the neighbour girl outside and now we stood next to each other and talked. She was three years younger than me, but we always got along well. I knew she looked up to me, I just didn't get why. I wasn't special at all. Maybe it was just the fact that someone older was willing to spend time with her.

"So, you really will move away now?", she asked and I nodded: "That's what this gathering is about after all." "It'll feel empty in this street then", Meg said sadly. I nudged her: "Hey, you'll be good. I'll come by to visit. If there would be a university within reach, I might have stayed. Then again, I can feel it's time to move out, you know?" "Fingers crossed, you'll be happy there", she smiled at me. "Sadness also belongs to life, don't forget that", I gave back, "But thanks. I appreciate it."

I pushed myself off the railing as I saw someone nearing. "Your brother's here", I told Meg and pointed to the newcomer. She sighed. "We're living right across the street, does he really have to pick me up?", she complained. "Hey, he only cares for you. I find it cute", I shrugged. "You find him cute?", she asked with raised eyebrow. I blushed. "No", I protested, "I find him looking after you cute." And him hot. "Sure", she sighed, "Whatever. I'll get my stuff." I nodded and she went inside to get her bag and jacket. And probably say her goodbyes.

Her brother stopped in front of me and I smiled at him. "Come up, don't be shy", I told him, making some space. "I am just here to pick up Meg", he gave back. "Seungcheol, she's sixteen. You can look after her, but don't babysit her", I told him, "Give her time to get her stuff and say goodbye to the others. She'll be really embarrassed if you walk in now." He sighed and leaned against the railing next to me.

"She wants to be mature so bad but she's still my little girl, you know?", he mumbled. I nodded. "Same with my siblings. My brother and sister also always kept an eye on me. But you gotta respect her freedom. She needs to make her own mistakes to learn and survive in this world." "It's just so hard to accept", he confessed. "It surely is", I agreed and we fell silent. He was the first to speak again: "So, you're moving out, huh?" I nodded. "Good luck out there", he smiled at me. "Thanks", I gave back and tilted my head. "What about you? Why did you never leave? As far as I know you're a smart guy. You could easily study", I investigated. He shrugged. "I thought of becoming an idol", he told me, "But then mum got sick, dad left and suddenly I found myself having to take care of the family. Maybe that is why I am so protective. I don't want Meg to go through more trouble. She really had a hard time back then."

I looked at him. I knew life had been unfair to them, but I didn't know Seungcheol had stayed because of his mum and Meg. "I'm sorry", I heard myself say. He shook his head: "Not your fault." "Not yours either", I went on, "You should still be able to do what you want to." "Maybe one day", he answered, "But even if they would be good on their own and an idol's career wouldn't be so unpredictable, I don't think I'd be mentally ready to leave them. I love them too much to go away when I still can do something for them." "Funny", I said, "I am sure they love you enough to let you go." "They do", he said with a sad smile.

The door behind us opened and Meg came out. "We can leave now", she announced. With a glimpse at me, she threw her hair back and passed her brother, barely audible mumbling: "Thanks for looking after me, bro." Seungcheol looked at her surprised and I hid a smile. "Go ahead already, I'll be there in a sec", he told her and approached me. "Thanks for taking care of her since back then", he said with a quiet voice, for only us to hear, "Without you she wouldn't have gotten through like this. I really appreciate it." Suddenly he took my hand and went on: "You're such a good person and I never thanked you, I think. So, thanks. Maybe in another universe I would have come with you, but in this one I will stay. I wish you all the luck out there. Visit us every now and then, okay?" I nodded surprised and his hand slipped out of mine again as he hurried after his little sister.

For a second I wondered how he was doing. Maybe I should ask Meg about him. I haven't talked to her in a while. She left her home three years after I did, moving to a big city with her boyfriend. She didn't need me anymore and I was fine with it. A year later their mum died. I never asked what Seungcheol did afterwards. But as of now, I couldn't ask anyways, so I finally gave in to the upcoming unconsciousness.

After the fourth dance I learned that love means voluntarily giving something up for the sake of others.