The Pardon - LC
She's been thinking about you for awhile.
I didn't want to let you know.
But I haven't been ok for a mile now.
It's all smoke and mirrors as it dogpiles.
I hide my fears.
Tell myself it'll go away soon.
But I've got the deed to these tears.
And they hold me hostage like a goon.
All I want is a good day leading into a good afternoon.
I don't wanna be a stooge/
I don't mean to give you attitude/
But I'm alone, and blue/
I wanna cry when I'm not with you/
Die when you are with some other dude/
Wish I could be more than a sideway glance/
They look at me in disgust/
Call me a creep in a rush/
But I don't need a push to jump/
Just another kick and I'll run/
I've started mixing lil peep with little pump/
Hallucinations, need a grip on reality/
In need of an escape/
Watch as I brake/
Locked behind a cage and a crate/
Wanna be okay but I act fake/
Nameless to the people I date/
To them I wanna be great/
Instead I put on drake/
And get in my feels/
Think about my dreams and how satan wants me to make deal/
Let my demons know let my emotions reel/
Just to get broken in the end/
Tell myself I can't take it, just to play pretend/
And repeat myself again and again/
It's a strain, I can't complain/
Some days I wanna dance in the rain/
Others I'd rather sleep away the pain/
Lost in a constant nightmare/
Nothing is free and life isn't fair/
People hate to share/
The hate even more to care/
All this pain to bare/
I'm nothing but a shadow.
An empty glimpse to a better life.
For you, I'd fight.
Through all the strife.
Take your knife out of my back.
Tell me all the things I lack.
I've been missing my exes and what we had.
Crying inside as I remember that they are glad.
They have someone new.
My skies aren't blue.
They're filled with reminders of you.
Your smile and those kisses.
Yeah, it's you I'm missin'.
I can't tell you how I feel.
Because you can't forgive me for what I did back then.
But if I can't forgive my sins, I understand why you can't.
I always lose, never win.
I've walked a million roads just to get to where I need to be.
I don't want to forget you, but you don't even remember me.
Only the bad things, and harsh memories.
Troubled times of a broken reality.
I could write a thousand songs and hope that it changes something.
Just to write a thousand and one, to realize it won't do anything.
I've been reminding myself that we were beautiful.
It's a crude reminder that the ugliest things become gorgeous, but even beauty has to end.
With time, the ups and downs are unavoidable.
She leaves me on read: unavailable.
I wanna be a someone, loved and charismatic.
Have confidence like everyone else: enigmatic.
Trust the truth.
Mask on, as I enlighten the youth.
On the weary ways, the heart sways.
In this broken world, the way our soul tolls, and our feelings pay.
