~chris sturniolo imagines~

not eating.💌

*a note; italics is y/ns thoughts, otherwise its chris's pov(lets just pretend he can drive)*

Me, Y/n, Nick and Matt all went to Mcdonald's Drive Thru for lunch and ordered food. Me and Matt weren't hungry since we ate before coming, so we just ordered a medium fries and a sweet tea. Y/n got a large 6pc nugget meal, and Nick got a Big Mac meal. We were all speaking about sizes of foods and calories before, so then when we got our food, as a joke, I said to Y/n,

"Woah, that's got to be at least a thousand calories right there." We all laughed and ate our food in a parking lot.

Am I really that fat? I should stop eating, my own boyfriend thinks I eat too much. I don't want him to be embarrassed of me. I probably look like a fucking fat pig eating all this. 

 Y/n was eating it in small bites, and extremely slowly. When the rest of us had finished, she just said,

"I'm not really that hungry right now, do any of you guys want it?"

"Sure, I'll have it." Matt said and took it gratefully.

"Are you sure you're not hungry though?" I ask her, looking concerned.

"Yup, I'm just not that hungry today." She says and then looks at her phone.

Don't burst into tears, don't burst into tears. It's not their fault that you eat so much, it's all your fault. 

We drive home to our house, since Y/n's staying over for a few weeks while her parents are abroad. I still think about why Y/n didn't eat all her food. Is she actually just not that hungry? 

We get home and all go to the living room, except Y/n, who goes to the bathroom. 

I take out a razor, and strike my arm. Once, twice, three times. Then I go to my leg. Again, once, twice, three times. I then forcefully puke into the toilet. If Chris isn't happy with me, then no one is. 

She comes out of the bathroom with her hair tied back. I hope she's okay. I decide not to ask her right now. Maybe she just was hot and needed to put her hair up. 

A few days later, we decided to go to the store. Y/n was still acting the same since we went to Mcdonald's, always saying she wasn't hungry or that she had already eaten. I didn't believe her, but I let it slide past. She looked slightly bonier than before, and her hands were shaky whenever I held them. She didn't speak as much, nor smile. I asked Matt and Nick, and they said they hadn't seen her eat since before the Mcdonald's trip. 

I'm fat. I'm ugly. I need to stop eating. I am not worth it. 

When we got to Walmart, we all decided to split up. Me and Matt going seperately, and Nick going with Y/n. I knew that would be best because Y/n was always comfortable with Nick, he was the first one she met out of us. 

Me and Matt go around, doing our usual shopping trip. When we met up with Nick and Y/n, Nick's arms were full of stuff, but Y/n didn't have much. 

"I didn't really know what to get, so I just got rice cakes and yogurt." She said quickly, avoiding eye-contact with me. 

Oh god, he probably thinks I'm disgusting for buying so much, just for myself. Why, why me? Why do I have to be so fat and ugly?

When we get home, Matt goes to the kitchen and starts making dinner. Nick goes to his room and Y/n goes to the bathroom, for about the sixth time today. I try to ignore it and help Matt out with dinner. He makes Alfredo Fettuccine, a classic favourite. I was hoping to see Y/n enjoy it as well, she loves Alfredo more than we do. 

When we're done cooking and it's time for dinner, we plate everyone's food and put it on the dinner table. Y/n sits down next to Nick, and I sit opposite her with Matt next to me. Y/n doesn't eat her food, she just fiddles with her fork and does a counting motion on her fingers. She stands up and says, 

"I'm not that hungry, I already ate food. But I'll eat some later."  

"No you haven't ate food, you haven't taken anything from the kitchen today." I say abruptly, also standing up. I could feel an odd feeling burn in me. Anger, but also worry. 

"I-I have ate, while you were busy." She said hesitantly, looking down. 

"Don't lie to me, I know you haven't ate anything. Now just sit down and eat Y/n. Please." I say, controlling myself.

"Well, maybe I haven't fucking ate anything because I'm fat! I'm fucking fat and ugly! It took me a while to realise, but on that Mcdonald's trip, when you said about my food calories, I've realised! I'm not fucking worth anything except to die!" She shouts, holding in her tears and running out the door. 

I run outside to the mini-van, sit in the drivers' seat and unzip my hoodie. I take it off and throw it onto the passenger seat next to me, leaving me in a tank top, with my arms, covered in cuts, exposed. I put my head on the steering wheel and just cry. I sob for who knows how long.

"What did you say on the Mcdonald's trip?" Nick says, glaring at me. 

"I don't fucking know, I-" I stop, remembering what I said about how much she was eating. I started putting all the pieces together. She had been going to the bathroom all day every day, to make herself vomit. Oh fuck, this is all my fault. I've ruined the girl I love most.

"I don't know what to do." I say, hands on my head. 

"Take her to get something she loves, and talk to her." Matt says, patting my back. I look at him and nod gratefully. I go outside and see her in the mini-van, sobbing into the steering wheel. She hears me closes the door and covers her face with her hands. Her arms...They're covered in cuts. 

I open up her door and kneel down. I gently pull her hands away from her face and look at her. Her hands were shaking even more than before now. 

"I'm not getting out." She said shakily, clearing her throat.

"Please, I want to take you somewhere." I say gently.

"N-n-no." She sniffs.

"I promise you'll like it." I say, kissing her hand. She gives up and gets out and sits in the passenger seat, putting her hoodie on. I drive to an ice cream shop. The same ice cream shop I took her to on our first date. I get her the exact same order; mango ice cream and raspberry sorbet in a cup. I give it to her and at first, she takes a spoonful, but hesitates before putting it in her mouth. She glances at me, and I nod encouragingly, and she eats it. I kiss her cheek and help her finish the rest. 

When we get home, Nick and Matt are in their rooms so we go to ours. We both get changed into pyjamas, and then get into bed. I put my arms around her and she puts her head on my chest. I kiss her forehead and we lay in silence for a bit. 

"Y/n, I want you to make me a promise." I say and she looks at me. 

"Promise me that you're going to eat something every day. We can start small, like a strawberry or something. I'll help you to eat. But please, just don't starve yourself. Or cut yourself." 

"Promise?" I ask hopefully, putting my pinky out.

"Promise." She says, interlocking her pinky with mine. 

I love Chris Sturniolo too much.