Hexed

Chapter Sixteen

When I open my eyes, the fire is already dying out and it is pitch black, I look next to me, Kasper is still fast asleep. And I'm guessing that at a certain point in the past few hours our hands got intertwined. He looks so peaceful, his warm hand in mine. Gently, I remove my hand from his and while getting up I try my best not to wake him. The thoughts of the night before come flooding back, even though I don't feel like I felt then I can still remember it. The way I lost control, the way it took over me. The single tear that I saw rolling down his face. It wouldn't surprise me if he completely broke down that night.

I grab my bag and take out the two things I know I shouldn't have packed. I walk a bit away from the others and sit down near the river. Over here I can hear the sound of the water flowing through the rocks and plants. It's so different than back in the city, never a moment of silence. But here it feels like silence is all there ever was.

I light the cigarette. I don't really want to, but everything is too much, again.

"Hey." I hear Willow say behind me.

She sits down next to me.

"Hey." I say back.

Then it hits me what I'm doing. I never smoke around anyone, mostly because I'm ashamed, or I don't want to be a discomfort, except around Kasper. Sure, he doesn't like it, never hesitates to tell me that it'll kill me, but honestly? That shit is bound to happen anyway.

"Sorry." I say quickly.

She doesn't say anything in return.

"So, you and Naomi huh?" I don't really know why I ask.

It's not like they're trying to keep it a secret, I'm just desperate to change the subject.

"Yeah, she's great." She pauses. "We've only been dating for a few months though."

It's silent for a moment.

"When all of this is over, maybe we can go far away from here and live a somewhat normal life." she continues.

A normal life. Wouldn't that be something? Willow sighs.

"But obviously in this world no good thing ever happens to minorities."

I've never heard her sound like this. She's not dancing or laughing. No hope in her voice. It aches my heart.

"You know, maybe it will. Maybe we can be the change everyone's been waiting for." I say. I don't really know where I'm going though, I'm trying my best to give her hope again.

"And when we finish all of this, maybe Kasper and I could join you too." I say jokingly.

She chuckles.

"Sure, and we'll go to a land far away and live on a farm near the coast or something." The depressing void is still there, but I think I managed to brighten the mood a bit. I know I can't just fix everything but the least I can do is be there for her.

"Or something."

Then it's quiet again, we sit in silence and listen to the birds that are already starting to chirp, the water, the wind. Everything is so calm here. I know that later I'll look back at this and miss how peaceful it was.

"What about you? Do you have someone special back there?" She asks.

I smile jokingly. "Nah. I don't really do that." I pause. Thinking about what to say. "Kasper did though. Back in school. But she broke up with him by the end of the semester."

I wait for her to say something. But for the longest time she doesn't. Then she turns to me.

"You're in love with him, aren't you?" she says softly.

"What? No. He's my best friend." I say defensively. I don't even know why.

"Best friends don't look at each other like that."

I freeze. I would be lying if I said I never looked at him that way. But does he look back at me the same?

"If you don't wanna talk about it, that's fine. I should go back anyway." She says as she stands up. "But you can only come with us if you get over that bad habit of yours."

It takes me a moment to realize she's referring to the cigarettes. My mind is still stuck on what she said. I turn around to say something but she is already gone. I look down at the cigarette that I somehow forgot about. It's been burning for this whole time and I hadn't even used it once, now the edge is so close to my fingers that I can feel the heat.

She walks off, I sit for another moment until I also get back to the others. Willow is back in her spot, close to Naomi. I look at Kasper, laying exactly how I left him. I sit down and try to get close to him without actually waking him. I feel bad when I do.

"You okay?" he says in a muffled voice.

Now that he's awake I scoot a bit closer to him. He doesn't hesitate and probably without thinking moves closer as well, his head resting just below my shoulder.

"I'm alright, just go back to sleep." I say quietly.

I'm not sure if he heard me but before I know it, he's asleep again. The things that Willow said are still floating around in my head. Maybe we can get away, I never thought it was possible. The truth is, none of us truly know what is going on in the rest of the world. The government has cut off almost all of our communications with the outside world. For all we know they could be living peacefully, or burning in ashes. I just hope they're doing better than us.