Searching for Myself

Unloveable

WYATT

Abbie said nothing the entire drive home. She's so drained that I carried her into my house. We've been laying in silence for the last two hours. She's still not saying anything. I'll ask if she's ok, but she doesn't answer. It's freaking me out a bit. I'm worried she's going to slip back into depression again. She said it's what happens when forced to cope with high stress things. It doesn't get much more stressful or confusing than this.

Meeting her family was intense. There were a lot of heavy emotions. I think it overwhelmed her. She has built up a wall and convinced herself that her birth family didn't want her. Maybe it's because she's lived with a family that actually didn't. Maybe it's hard for her to believe what they're saying is true because of that. They do though. I completely believe their feelings for her are real. For Abbie to learn they want her and love her, I don't think she knew how to feel when it's the opposite of what she thought; what she always believed. She's not just going to get an acquaintance or closure from this. I firmly believe she'll get an entire family if she's open to it.

"Abbie, talk to me." She says nothing, but cuddles into me. I'm not sure what to do here. I don't know what she needs or wants from me. I just wish she'd tell me. Maybe holding her like this is what's right for her in this moment. I wrap my arms around her and kiss her temple. I'll lay here and hold her for as long as she needs me to. I can't fix anything for her. All I can do is be here when she needs me.

I'm starting to fall asleep when I feel her climb on top of me. I peek my eyes open to find her straddling my torso. She begins unbuttoning my shirt. "What are you doing?" Since I was dozing off, my voice comes out gruff.

"I need you. Make love to me." I'm surprised by her words after hours of silence. She pulls on my arm, wanting me to sit up. I comply and she removes my shirt. She hasn't said anything but she wants to have sex? She pushes on my chest so I lay back down. I watch her closely as she pulls my jeans and boxers over my hips and down my legs. She's now standing at the foot of the bed and she slowly removes her clothes. She's not moving slow in a sexy way, but I think she's just so worn out. I nervously watch as she climbs back on and hovers above me. She lowers herself on my hard dick and I groan. I grip her waist as she begins grinding against me. It feels good but I can't get into this. She looks so sad and this whole thing is strange. When tears roll down her cheeks, I can no longer take it.

"Abbie. We don't have to do this." I grip her hips and try to stop her movement.

"Yes! Yes we do!" Her tears come more forcefully now. I sit up and hang my feet over the edge of the bed. She continues grinding against me, but she's crying onto my shoulder now. I hold her tight and let her do whatever this is she's doing.

When she sobs out. I ease her back some so I can look at her. "Talk to me," I plead as I wipe her tears.

"I need to feel love," she cries.

"I do love you," I whisper.

"I need to feel love. Make love to me, Wyatt. Please," she begs. She holds my cheeks and kisses me. I taste her salty tears on my tongue, but I return the kiss. I don't understand this, but I don't have to. If this is what she needs from me, this is what she'll get. I'll do anything and everything for her.

I hold her close as I push up into her. Her breath catches and I move kisses to that special spot on her neck. She's crying so hard, I even taste the saltiness of her tears here. "I love you," I whisper into her ear. She meets my pumps and I grip her face to stare into her blue eyes. "I love you, Abigail. With my entire heart, I love you." She sobs out again, but she nods like she's agreeing with me. I stare into her eyes and watch emotions storm in them. I'm so caught up in their swirls of sadness that I'm caught off guard when she suddenly moans out. Her nails dig into my skin, scratching down my back. I wrap my arms around her and pull her tightly against me. "I love you," I whisper in her ear, making her moan louder. I feel her clinch around me and I allow myself to be pulled into my own orgasm. She grips my hair and pulls my head to her neck so I kiss there as I explode inside her. We sit in silence, still holding each other tightly. Neither of us move.