Death to Bumble Bees

13: bee vs happiness

Listen to Scared of Lonely by Beyonce 

Chapter Thirteen: Bee VS. Happiness

When Bee came-to the following morning, everything seemed to hit her like a freight-train. Just as Rath had done the first time he appeared to her, in less than 24 hours, she had once more been torn away from her reality. She was once again on an alien planet only to be ripped off and thrown back down to earth.

Her head pounded. She didn't know up from down. Most importantly, she didn't know when she would next fall into a dangerous reality that she would be trapped inside and close to helpless against the creatures that--for reasons she didn't know--wanted to hurt her.

And Jason...

Her heart felt so hollow as it weakly tightened within her chest. She didn't know what Jason had to do with everything, but the mere fact that he clearly knew something, made her want to crawl into her blankets and never leave again. Was she such a fool? Was it all a lie? Everything? Every word, kiss, and touch? Just... a role? And he knew about it and just went with it? Why? Why would they do this to her?

She closed her aching eyes as she groaned, curling into her side as she held her knees to her chest. She no longer felt safe--like she could be ripped away from everything at any moment. Whether by falling into a reality that wasn't her own, or from Rath coming by to say one single sentence that would leave her reeling and disoriented again.

And then, she thought to herself, leaving her alone again. Because that's what he did, right? He left and wouldn't come back again. Not until something happened that threatened her life. Because, like he said, she had to survive for them both. If she died, he would be faced with something bad, too. So he had to keep her alive.

She badly wanted to crawl into Jason's arms. She very badly wanted him to hold her tightly to his chest and whisper sweet nothings in her ear. She wanted nothing more than to feel his heart against her back as he encircled her in his large, muscular, and oh-so familiar arms.

Instead, for the first time in what felt like her life, she let her eyes fill with tears and cried. Cried through her loss of all the people she loved and wished would love her back. Cried for her childhood and the traumas she had endured only to end up in this moment now. She cried for the loss of safety and security--the loss of all that felt sure and solid. She cried even more tears for the fear and terror that rocked through her body when she thought of what waited for her beyond the world everyone knew. And more than all the rest, she cried for the empty and devouring loneliness that seemed to be eating her alive.

Nothing felt like it would ever be okay again.

When she finally thought her heartbreak would kill her, warm familiar arms suddenly pulled around her. His heart beat strong against her back as she fought back another wave of sobs; ignoring the voice in her head telling her to kick him out of her bed.

"I'm sorry, Beatrice." Jason whispered, his voice full of sorrow. "I've only ever wanted to make you happy, and I think I've been doing the opposite." He spoke, holding her against his warm body as he pulled her hair back from her damp and splotchy face. "I just wanted to make you happy."

Bee nodded, her body turning on its own as she looked up at him from within the circle of his arms, "Tell me what you are." Her voice broke, "Tell me everything, Jason. Please."

With a hesitant look, Jason proceeded to tell her his story of being. How as a bodiless soul, the only thing he had ever wanted was a body. To feel things and experience things he never would have been given the opportunity to do or feel. How he had given up his freewill to do so--that he chose being hers over his own mind so that he could have his own body. And he told her how Rath was the being that made it all possible, and how, no matter how much he may have wanted to, he could never betray his maker to tell her these things.

"Beatrice," He whispered, holding her sorrow struck face softly as his thumbs wiped away her tears, "I would do it all again just to be with you. Maybe that means nothing to you because I am already made for you, but to me, it feels real. This... love, I feel for you. It feels more real than anything I've ever experienced." Murmuring, he looked down at her earnestly, "Whatever you want, whatever you need, I will do it. I would even give up my body if that is something that you need me to do."

Bee looked at him for a long moment, her brain trying so hard to process all the words he had said. She reached her hand up, tracing the face she knew so well that she could close her eyes and paint it beneath her eyelids. Moving her hands down to his broad shoulders, she wrapped her arms around his neck. She fit so perfectly against him as she pulled herself up, her lips pressing against his soft ones. His large hands fell up her back, pressing her to him as she held him tightly for another moment before pulling back.

Resting her forehead on his she kept her tearful eyes closed as she spoke, "I'm sorry you have to love me in order to have a body of your own."

Jason didn't say anything; there wasn't anything he could say to that to make her happy. Not without lying, and he knew now that lying wasn't giving her happiness. Just as he knew that him loving her felt more like a con than a blessing. She wouldn't be happy if he responded with 'I'm not sorry'. And he wasn't sorry--not even a little bit.

"How does it work?" Bee whispered, her eyes still closed as she ached for both herself and him. "Your purpose of being is for me to be happy. So, what would happen if I told you the only thing you could do to make me happy, was to make yourself happy? To do what you have always wanted to do before you were made for me--no matter what that is." Her voice was small. She knew very well that she had to let him go; she had to release the spell Rath had put on him. So that they could both find something real--whatever that was.

Even when everything in her screamed to hold him close; to keep him; to just let it be. Because he was happy to be here with her and she was happy enough to be with him like this.

But it wasn't real. Not in a way that it should be. 

"If that's what would make you truly happy," He hummed in thought, "Then I guess I would have to do that."

Bee smiled lightly, her heart aching badly. "Then, Jase, after another ten minutes of holding me like you love me and want nothing and nobody else but me... to make me happy, I need you to go do the things you always wanted to do and experience before you were made for me." She whispered.

As she wished, he wrapped his arms around her body tightly as she buried her head into his chest. Inhaling the familiar mint scent, she tried her best to not think about the solitude waiting for her in less than ten minutes.

End of Chapter Thirteen

I AM CRYING> THIS WAS SO SAD AND I AM NOT OKAY> JASONNNNNN *violent tears* I love you so much you big monster. I just want you to be happy *cryyyyy*