Dreams

No Escape

based on a true story

***

 I am Ann, I was eight years old when I was standing among my grandfather and grandmother trying to protect my grandma with my body. He was drunk, shouting and threatening her but she stood there with a calm and collected expression, answering him in a measured tone. She knew that if she responded with anger or raised her voice, he would only become more enraged. She was a picture of grace and strength, even in the face of his violent outbursts. She had faced his wrath countless times before, but she never lost her composure or her dignity. I wanted to protect her, but he didn't notice me, couldn't hear my sobbing. It was a moment that would haunt me forever.

  That is not the only thing I remember from childhood. It's true that children remember the most emotional moments of their lives, even if they are very young. One of the scenes I remember  is when I was five years old and my grandfather stumbled into my kindergarten. He dressed me in a coat and shoes that were not my own. My mother met us halfway and saved me. She was scared and afraid. But my mother did everything she could to protect me, and this was not the first or last time she would have to intervene.

  Another memory that comes to mind is when my grandfather would visit our house. He was usually drunk when he arrived, and my mother would try to avoid opening the door or would ask me to pretend I was sleeping so he would leave sooner. It was like a game for me - trying not to laugh and pretending to be asleep. Despite his alcoholism and behavior, he loved me. He never showed violence towards me. I was his first granddaughter and his favorite grandchild, even though he was initially disappointed when I was born because he wanted a grandson. Yes, we live in a country with traditions, where people prefer sons over daughters.

  According to my grandma, my grandfather started drinking around the age of 40 after he lost his job. She said he was a loving husband before that, but I find it hard to believe. An abusive husband doesn't just become that overnight.

  Based on the stories I heard from my grandma and mom, as well as what I witnessed firsthand, it was clear that my grandfather was an abusive husband and an overall toxic person. He didn't love my grandmother, and he drank excessively, often passing out and being brought home by others. He was a volatile and unpredictable man, prone to violent outbursts and abuse.

  Before his alcoholism and aggression took hold, my grandfather was already a neglectful and unfaithful husband. He cheated on my grandmother openly, without a shred of remorse or guilt. He showed no regard for her feelings or her dignity, and she was left to suffer in silence.

  In most cases, my grandfather appeared to be a good husband and a respected man in public. However, behind closed doors, he was a different person. Don't think that my grandmother didn't try to seek help. She confided in my grandfather's family about the issues she was dealing with, but they didn't believe her. She didn't have any family of her own who could help her. Besides It seems that my grandfather was a skilled manipulator, able to convince others that he was the victim while secretly maligning my grandmother.

  She tried to leave him, running to stay with his relatives. But he always found her, at first crying and begging her to come back, promising that it would be the last time he hit her. She would come back, believing him. But after she realized that it was all an act, she ran again and would spend the nights in parks or cemeteries. But he would always find her, and this time he wouldn't be remorseful, he would violently drag her back home by her hair, punishing her for her disobedience.

  She could not find a way out, and even the authorities couldn't assist her. In those days, the police would dismiss a victim of domestic violence, telling them that it was a "family matter" and that they shouldn't bother them. No woman would dare call the police, knowing that it wouldn't make a difference. The system was rigged against them, and they had nowhere to turn for help. many women like my grandmother were trapped in abusive relationships with no way to escape.

  The most horrifying story I heard from my mother was about her final, desperate attempt to escape the abuse. My grandmom was pregnant at the time when she tried to take her own life. She survived the injuries, but not the abuse. I could only imagine the pain and fear she must have felt in those moments.

   Time marched on, and all of her attempts to save herself proved futile. She lived with him until his death, taking care of him when he was ill and confined to bed for years. It was a difficult and trying time for her, and she never found the peace and freedom she so desperately craved. I witnessed her kissing and saying goodbye to him at his funeral, and at the time, I was puzzled by her actions. My mom said she was showing respect to her son and the family of his husband. I couldn't comprehend it then, but now I understand that it was a matter of upholding societal norms and traditions, even if they were misguided and oppressive.

  Yes, We lived in a society where it was considered shameful for a wife to leave her husband, and even more so for a man to be abandoned by his wife. Back then, the police did not consider family problems to be their concern. Society treated women as if they were inferior to men, with fewer rights and freedoms. It was a dark and oppressive time. Back then Even if a woman was brave enough to speak out about her problems, society, family, and friends would all suggest not to ruin a family and not to leave a house - even if that house was a house of terror. Thankfully, women today are courageously trying to break free from the chains of outdated and oppressive traditions that still exist in some parts of the world. Despite the challenges they may face, they have a greater chance of finding support and aid today.

  I am Ann and my grandmother was unable to escape her situation, but you can. You are not alone, and there are people who want to help you. So don't be afraid to reach out and take that first step towards a better life. break the cycle of violence, create a better future for yourself.