Weird Science

Zero Day Exploits

"Memory is the attractor field," she told me a handful of times. Usually with a hint of exasperation.

She was trying to tell me something important. She didn't know why it was an important thing to say, or why it would be important to me. She just knew to say it.

She also told me that she's a muse. She puts thoughts in people's minds, and inspires creativity.

I'll be honest, sometimes I think she knows a lot more than she's telling me. Maybe manipulating me sometimes. I don't actually know that, but I want it to be true. I want her to be stringing me along and playing mind games with me.... and I have decent reasoning behind that.

She has a zero day exploit and she uses it against me at my weakest points. I don't know how she hacks my brain, but she does, and she plants thoughts that she uses to manipulate me into where she wants me. Which is where I want to be too...with her.

We don't that know for sure that we both started on the same Earth, on the same timeline...I mean, that's just real talk. I'm actually doubtful that we truly had the physical capability to stand in front of each other for most of our lives. I actually believe that, I don't have any evidence for that though. It's just been a weird ride.

The point is though, if memory is the attractor field pulling her closer to a manifestation of her to me, or me to her, both actually...

It's helpful if I plant thoughts in minds along down the line and strengthen the attractor field as much as I can. So I write crazy ideas, usually while crazy. The crazier, the better. Because the more people who read the words, the more a little memory is implanted in the subconscious. I don't know even know I'm doing it usually. It's subconscious. It's an entire mental ecosystem that is designed, by, and to, manipulate. And be manipulated. I have too much emotional weight attached to that word, so I need help doing what I have irrational fears against doing. Because I have a habit of being myself. I have a habit of doubting myself.

So we exploit our weaknesses to bring out our strengths. She has a zero day exploits. Meaning, exploits that I'm completely unaware of which means...will continue to go undetected.

Shadow work is hard. I'm grateful that my shadow has a hand through the dark. It's no secret, I have some dark thoughts sometimes. Which means she does too. So I gotta do my part and face some of them.

If I gotta listen to angry music and, struggle knowing what to do about something... it's ok. Just don't let those thoughts and feelings define me. Maybe if I subconsciously punch people when I'm mad, the subconscious punches the bad thoughts about them away...

There seems to be truth to that. Shadow work is truly hard. Especially for people who have ridiculous double standards for everything. One which tries to give everyone a pass while never never feeling you were good enough yourself. That's a dark shadow, even darker than thinking about punching someone who's asking for it.

Lol, back to the story

The closer we get pulled together through exploiting one of my biggest weaknesses. My fear of being manipulative or controlling. So she manipulates me, into manipulating the system, while watching me drive myself insane, so I can drive the subconscious insane in just the right ways to manipulate her back, in order to put two lovers in each other's arms.

A twisted romance. Challenging. Beautiful.

We play the long game, we surf the timeline

We've been in love for a long time

This is corruption of the mind. For a good cause. She's really got a spell on me 💗