Hear my lullaby

5.

                      5. Hallucinations

Joel

"Let me show you." Gilbert said to Freya as he went next to her, giving instructions. I bit my teeth together as I squeezed the beer glass in my hand. I looked at Eevi with my side-eye, and her eyes were already on me. Her emotionless face studied me, probably trying to give me a sign that I should just calm down. I tried, and I kinda was. Honestly I wanted to throw the glass in my hand towards Gilbert and start fighting, but I took deep breaths and tried to force the thoughts out of my head. I didn't even want to look the lovers, it made me feel sick.

My zoning out got interrupted by Freya's cheering, I looked at her and apparently she turned three down at her first try. She jumped up and down and then hugged Gilbert, who's smile looked brighter than my future. I just took long sip of the beer, I wanted to go home. And when Freya had second try, she turned all the seven down which were left. Now everyone stood up around me and cheered. I thought we were supposed to play as teams.
I drank the beer glass empty, and then I stood up. But not to celebrate, to leave.

I think no one even noticed that I wasn't there anymore among them, I was changing my shoes in peace.

I stood up, and before I was ready to leave, the door to the bowling hall opened. Someone walked in, I turned my head to look at who is was.

"Hey, dude. We were wondering that where you went." Olli said suprised as he started fastly changing his shoes. I frowned to his actions.
"You have the same in mind?" I questioned as I put my hands in my jeans pockets. He let out a short chuckle.
"What?" He then stood up when he was ready, and our eyes met. His amused face changed quickly.

"Are you leaving?" He raised his eyebrows as we both started making our way out of the center.
I sighed deeply as I put my sunglasses on.
"I am. Aren't you?"

He kept me the front door open and followed me behind.
"No. I'll just get Eevi's phone from the car. Are you really doing it?" He said as he made his way towards his car, and now I followed him with long and slow steps.
"Yes. Can't look at Gilbert for any longer. And not Freya either. I'll just go home and get drunk or something." I scratched my dirty hair. Olli was looking for Eevi's phone from the passenger's seat as I looked around.
"Never drink to sadness." His calm voice said from the car, I rolled my eyes irritated. Why he has to be so.. clever? It's annoying.

"I'm not sad. You're not leaving then? You could've been good drinking company." I tried to change his mind, but he just smirked as he found the phone and lifted himself up.
He shook his head.
"Sorry. I think you don't want to hear this, but I think that Gilbert is cool and nice guy. Not many are so educated, polite and funny at the same time." He closed the car's door and then locked the car. I sighed silently.

"Maybe it is his money that makes you all go crazy for him." I told him, he chuckled and shook his head again. He patted my shoulder as he walked slowly past me, I turned around to watch him.

"I'll just say one thing. It's fine if you don't like Gilbert and don't want to interact with him. But please for everyone's sake, talk things clear with Freya." He gave me such an encouraging advice. I didn't react, I just pressed my lips together tightly. Then he rushed back to the center, and I stood there in the middle of the parking lot. I looked around, and there was no one around, just cars. Then those two people caught my attention, they were leaning towards their car. And they were kissing like there was no tomorrow.
"I'll just get drunk..." I mumbled silently to myself as I started walking towards my car.

I was drinking my fourth beer at my house, sitting at the couch in silence. This used to be our home. But it's been six months, and this much space is often making me anxious. My eyes were wandering around, and often I glanced at some pictures in those gray walls. Honestly those are pictures of me and Freya. I haven't taken them away, I just can't.
But now I was staring at them, usually I don't. I can't even look at them, that's why they're still there.
I leaned my head against the couch's backrest.
She's so beautiful in those pics.. we're both smiling there. She has so pretty smile, that kind of one that makes you smile too and just adore her. Her ginger hair is long, nowadays it's a bit shorter. Those hazel brown eyes are my favorite part of her. And those naturally long eyelashes. She has little bit of freckles too.
I was holding that beer bottle in my hand, too weak to lift it up to my lips. I was biting the insides of my cheeks, trying to hold the tears.