A Life Without You

A Life Without You 1/3

"Fuck you Fatass!"

Stop

"That's the best you got stupid, filthy Jew? It's the truth isn't it? You're nothing but a rotten piece of-"

Stop

"Shut up! God damn it you racist piece of shit! Why can't you just fucking leave me alone! I HATE YOU!"

STOP IT

I wake up in a cold sweat. My breathing unsteady. It doesn't stop. No matter how many times I tell it to. The last words I ever said to him still race through my mind.

"I HATE YOU!"

I grasp my head and shut my eyes, hoping to block out the cruel words coming out of my own mouth. My hair, already weak from lack of nutrition, feels coarse as my hands start to tug on them.

He was dead.

Eric Cartman was dead.

__________

For the past week I haven't gotten out of bed. Why should I? Nothing else has mattered. I can't focus. I can't eat. I can't sleep. Everything has lost meaning.

My dreams have ever since become nightmares. Always the same one every night. No matter how many times I try to ignore it, the same words come up again and again, tearing into my mind.

Why.

Why did it happen. Why did it happen to him. Why did my last words have to be those ones. Why was I never given the chance to tell him how I really feel.

Why?

I may never know.

__________

The cold frost fell down from the seemingly endless blue sky. We were out there alone. The ground already white with snow, surrounded us. How peculiar was it to be there. The cruel unforgiving snow as cold as my heart.

I can't even remember what we fought about this time. My rage, usually getting the better of me, left blank spots in my memory often. This time, like many other times was probably started as an argument, then slowly escalated.

God, we were so stupid.

He cringed. The last words seeming to get to him. But it didn't matter. I had enough.

Unlike other times however, this was going to be it.

I balled my fists in rage, unable to keep control. Counting to ten had stopped being useful a long time ago. I wanted to lash out at him.

He quickly regained his composure, refusing to show me weakness. With a blank expression on his face, he stared right at me.

"Whatever."

And with that, he walked off. Never turning back. I stood there, staring at the back of his head. My eyes fixated on him.

I never saw his face again so I would never be able to confirm. If my eyes don't deceive me, his arm, getting smaller the farther away he went, came up to his face, as if he was wiping something away.

As if he was crying.

I listened to every crunch of the snow get quieter and quieter as he walked into the distance. Never moving. I continued to watch him until there was nothing left to look at.

He was so aggravating. So irritating.

But I loved him anyways.

And never did I stop to think that I would never see him again.