THE TOWER ━ stranger things

21.

chapter twenty one – a cog in the grief machine

October 6th, 1985

"So how have things been with your friends? You said one of them made the basketball team and the others are a part of Eddie's club – isn't that neat? Two worlds colliding." Sam gave a breathy chuckle as he questioned Irene. She turned from the cassette case she was fixing at the front of the store and looked at him.

She started working with him in the beginning of the month (after he initially helped her land the job)  and was starting to spend most, if not all, of her time scaling the barren and comforting aisles of Vince's Record Shop. It was one of the few places, other than her house and the pool, where she felt closer to Mateo. She swore the aroma of his Ralph Lauren Coolwater cologne, that he begged their mother for when he was sixteen and wore religiously, still hung between the gaps of the Punk and Alternative section of the store.

She shrugged dismissively, "It's fine...I mean I guess it's nice knowing that they have someone else that's older in their corner who can show them the ropes – not that I've been doing a good job at that anyway." She muttered and quickly returned her attention to the display. Beside her, Sam sighed and crossed his arms – seeming visibly disappointed.

"What did we talk about last week?" He questioned and she was hesitant to meet his stern gaze and instead turned to walk toward the register. The bell near the front chimed and she welcomed the older couple with a gentle smile and soft greeting.

"All I remember is eating pretzels while you rambled on about Siouxsie and the Banshees' entire discography." She said nonchalantly with her back still turned toward him while she fiddled with the crate of records that the two put together to cycle and play throughout the month. She smiled fondly at the album in her hands and turned to Sam with a grin which was quickly replaced with a look of guilt after she saw his face. She bowed her head, turning her gaze downward, before she placed the record back in the crate and stared down at her hands.

She obviously did remember everything they talked about. After Sam finished ranking his favorite albums from Siouxsie and the Banshees, the two went on to have a lengthy discussion about Irene's self-critical comments and also worked through some exercises she could do when she was being too harsh on herself. Clearly she hadn't been doing her 'homework.'

Sam knew she was still in the beginning stages of the grieving process and with that came a lot of guilt and something his father called 'the cycle of self-hatred.' He also knew it didn't help that she was isolating herself from her friends; she had no clue that Eddie started coming in on her off days asking if he could 'fill him in' on how she was doing because she was distancing herself and kept flaking on their plans. Sometimes Robin would stop by during Irene's shift and they would share small moments, but she too started questioning Sam about the girl.

He was glad she and her mother seemed okay and weren't distancing themselves from each other; like he and his father did when his mom passed away. It was the only relationship he knew she was actually telling the truth about because he frequently spent dinners at the Vasquez household and the two always seemed enthralled in conversation about music or books or pastries they wanted to try and bake – the atmosphere was comfortable, warm, a drastic shift from the tone that washed over Irene outside of her home. He knew grief struck everyone differently and because she'd never experienced something on this level of loss, it was going to take a while before she fully recovered.

"I'm sorry." She whispered defeatedly with a small shake of her head as tears welled in her eyes. The couple he rang up had just left the shop and it was empty and quiet again as she kept her eyes fixed on the floor.