Never Set In Stone

chapter five

If someone would have told me when I was in middle school that I would end up in the position I am now, I wouldn't believe them. I wouldn't believe that I would go from having it all to having absolutely nothing. I wouldn't believe that one second you have friendships and relationships and a fully functioning body and the next second you have absolutely nothing.

I was laying in bed with a bag a liquid - that once used to be ice - sitting on my ankle. When I take it off the icy numbness eliminates the pain that is usually there. I try reading a book or watching tv but it takes away from the things I should be doing, like schoolwork. There was so much work that I had to put in just to go to school. Nevermind the whole 12 minutes - I timed it - it takes to get downstairs, but then my trek to the car and throughout the school hallways on crutches. I hate it. I hate all of it. Every single thing about it, I hate it.

Surprisingly, today was actually the first day that I've tolerated everything that I usually hate. I had time that night to reflect on what my life actually had to offer. Besides what usual things I was no longer able to do, I was still overall happy with my life.

Maybe happy isn't the right word. I'm more content with my life. Besides what usual things I was no longer able to do, I was still overall content with my life.

Friends that I've eventually spent more time with in the past four months have helped carry my bags around to classes. Gianna has been nothing but sweet to me ever since I broke my ankle. Sometimes I think that maybe it's out of sympathy that she's my friend but other times she actually seems to care about me as a normal friend would. With my history of friends, it becomes hard for me to trust people that easily. Anything that the average person might know about me is about the only things that I've elaborated on with Gianna. Everything else I keep to myself. To myself and my writing.

I've become fond of some of the books that have accompanied me in my leisure time. So much so that I've come up with creative writing ideas myself and started to place them into action. A part of my writing is that of my own story and whether I publish it or not is something the future will only know.

If this is how my life was supposed to turn out, so be it. So be it that I become alone. So be it that I don't achieve all of my dreams until I'm older. So be it that everything had to change, for the better.

Only two more weeks, I remind myself. Before I can actually put the effort in to turn my life around in a positive way, there's only two more weeks. I've been getting there mentally, I think. I've accepted the fact that there is going to be more in life that I can get accomplished. There's going to be so much more Delilah. If I take on every day like I plan on taking on today, everything will automatically get better for me.

This Saturday was one of my better days. All Saturdays are my best days. Despite the fact that I won't be able to go out as a typical junior in high school should do, it's the one day throughout the week that I don't have to move out of my room or house. I dedicated most of the morning doing nothing but laying in bed, reading or watching tv and overall thinking. Thinking about how much better I have been feeling since everything went wrong even despite things continuously going wrong in my life. Thinking that maybe all of this happened for a reason, a good reason, something good was going to come. I think, and I can only hope.