(Book 1) Before Hollywood - Hailee Steinfeld x Female Reader

Rehab

April 2012...

The sweats were the worst. Not the constant test of will, not the talking about the reasons behind the need to take drugs, no. The sweating that came with the repetitive need to vomit all day everyday.

Not once had anyone tried to call the facility to see how I was, I could've been dead for all they knew.

Elliott: Hey, how're you feeling today?

Elliott's my therapist, he's actually pretty cool.

Me: On and off. You?
Elliott: I'm great, just found out my wife is pregnant again, so today's a good day.
Me: Congrats.

I sit up on the bed, resting against the headboard.

Me: So when can I leave?
Elliott: You ask that everyday.
Me: Because I want to leave, everyday.
Elliott: Y/N, you've shown absolutely no signs of psychological progress since you walked in the door. Letting you leave now would set you back, you know that.
Me: Yeah, you keep saying. Did anyone call today?

He gives me a sympathetic look.

Elliott: Sorry, not today.
Me: May as well stop asking that one too, right?
Elliott: I'm sure your family just want you to recover in the best way possible. People cope in different ways.
Me: I know, but by not calling they're basically saying I'm on my own.
Elliott: Is that not how you always wanted it anyway? You always say you're so independent.
Me: I am independent, I don't need anyone. It's just nice to want people.
Elliott: You know, for someone who's nearly 16 and has missed as much school as you, you're really intelligent.

I huff, then make my way to the window.

Me: I've read more books than any 16 year old should care to admit. School work is too easy, I've always known the answer before the question is even asked.
Elliott: Is that how you do life as well? Always knowing what's coming before it comes?
Me: Basically, yeah.
Elliott: So you must've known you'd be going to rehab eventually.
Me: Had a feeling. I just didn't want it to be now.
Elliott: Why?
Me: I have a girlfriend, work is going amazingly, my parents are finally proud of me for being in LA and getting my head down. Except in the meantime, I'm sniffing myself into oblivion just to get through a normal day at 15 years old.
Elliott: A lot happened to you, Y/N. There are explanations for everything. If that's the only advice you'll take from being here, make sure you remember it. Every single thing has an explanation.

I turn to face him.

Me: You really believe that?
Elliott: Yeah. It might be a simple explanation, or it might be ridiculously complicated and the reason may not present itself to you straight away, but if you think about it for long enough, everything falls into place. It might be obvious but it might also be complex. Try it with me.

I sit opposite him on the floor.

Elliott: Okay, simple one for you to start; why did your manager put you in rehab?
Me: Um...I guess because my actions weren't just hurting me anymore, they were starting to hurt everyone around me.
Elliott: Okay, good work. How about...why were you adopted by your parents?
Me: I don't know the answer to that, Elliot.
Elliott: Just try.
Me: Okay...um, Perrie was my best friend at school. I used to spend every second of the day with her pretty much.
Elliott: You think that's the only reason? Come on, try and be honest with what you think.
Me: They felt sorry for me, that's what I think.
Elliott: Okay, so have you ever asked them?
Me: No, I haven't.
Elliott: Then maybe you should. And then there's your explanation. Okay, last one; do you think you're worthy of the future everyone around you believes you have?
Me: That's not a scenario.
Elliott: Let me give you one. You've won an Academy Award for best actress, then you land one of the biggest roles of your dreams. Why does that happen?
Me: I have zero clue why anyone would think that would happen.
Elliott: Can I give you the answer?
Me: Please.
Elliott: Because you're smart, you're talented, you're brilliant, and you have an incredible attention to detail. That's why you get those things, and that's what your family and your team see when they look at you. They see you winning awards and landing dream roles, but to you it's overshadowed by these things that happened in your past. Those things don't define your future, they only make you stronger, you need to remember that.