Special ✧ hayes

dieciseis

ava

it has been almost a full day and all i have done is look straight ahead. i don't know what's going on. i try to speak but i can't. i try to stand up and do something but i simply can't. i literally am nothing without hayes. he was my smile, my motivation, my friend, my specialty.

"i heard the door open and im guessing the guys slept over there. i hear more and more footsteps and realize the whole group is here. i ignore them and refuse to make eye contact with them.

"hey ava we are gonna go to the pool and we decided that you needed something like this so you wanna come with?" nash says standing in front of me. but yet i kept my eyes focused on the wall.

"ava? ava answer me" nash says shaking my shoulders. its like i cant even feel myself breathing, have i gone dead?

"guys she's not answering!" lox yells but i don't seem to care. all that was on my mind was... well nothing in fact, i was just staring off and just.. i don't know appearing. i was scaring myself to be honest, i have never been like this before and i wasn't aware of the situation, i was convinced i was dreaming at this point. i could feel everyone's presence, everyone except for hayes.

but i simply lost my ability to care. i didn't care if my life ended for some unknown reason, i wouldn't care if they all just abandoned me here and there, where have i gone?i felt different.

i was different

xx

its been around 5 hours and the group is at the mall right now. they assumed i needed time to myself so left me here. in fact i needed the opposite. i needed someone to cuddle with me and lull me to sleep with the way they are breathing. i need someone to hold me as i tell them about how i have gone mad. i just need someone to break me out of this imprisoning trance. i needed him.

i began to rerun my memories with him, and tears slowly began to make their way out of my eyes. no sound came out of my mouth whatsoever and i just stayed in the same miserable position, i have gone numb all over and i soon had no more feeling to open my mouth and scream for help. the door torturously remained closed. the room had lost its life and had an agonizingly quiet noise.

the door finally opened and it was just one person. it was matt.

"look, the guys and lox and i we were all invited to a concert, but the thing is, you have to be 16 and older so hayes can't go, that means you guys are gonna be roomates just for tonight. i know you're in a dark spot right now ava and i wish i could find out what's wrong but i can't and i know only hayes can fix you. so we will be back tomorrow. love you princess" he kissed my forehead and gently wiped the blackening tears from my eyes.

after he was off the door had been used for the third time to invite someone in and i knew there was nothing inviting from him anymore. i contained myself from shaking uncontrollably and he slouched himself in the bed and sighed.

i continued looking at the wall as a corpse. my face drained and out of life, i had no more energy to even stand up and i didn't even know if i wanted to. until i heard him stand up, my breaths began to get shorter and he stood right in front of me. it began to get difficult to not stare into those beautiful blue eyes. it took all of my strength to look straight ahead and it was getting harder by the second.

he took a deep breath and began to talk.

"look ava. we were both stupid. and i can see that you are the most effected in this whole situation and im so sorry it hurt you so much. i don't know what i can do to ever repay you and its breaking my heart to see how broken you are you have no idea how much the guilt is eating me alive. i was so stupid to ever let you get away and i will continue to hate myself for what i have done. i had some reasons that made sense at the time but i realized how forgiving you were when i kissed two fucking girls. i gave you your first kiss knowing it wasn't my first kiss on the other hand. i regret every single second where i betrayed you. it hurts me to know that that face of yours has been stained with tears more than once ever since last night. you can act dead as long as you want but i will continue to give you love and comfort until you stop"

a single tear escaped my eye i tried to open my mouth but something just stopped me from saying anything. i couldn't say anything.

"ava i love you..." he says holding my hand. it was until now that i realized how cold i was. he flinched and kissed my hand. he went over to the bed and just laid down. another tear managed to get out of my eye and fell delicately on my hand.

xx

i figured hayes was asleep so i finally got the courage and strength to stand up. i stretched my legs that were getting back to normal and i popped a mint in my mouth. i took a deep breath that sounded shaky. i walked over and saw the bed neatly made. hayes wasn't there. i looked over at balcony and hayes was looking out the sky and it sounded like he was crying.

i winced at the pain and i just ran to the balcony. he looked up and i saw his pure face now wet with tears. i sat on his lap and wrapped my arms around his waist and i began to shake my head.

"i-i" i began to say and my voice was cracking. without hesitation i grabbed his face and kissed him. the lips that i always long for. the lips that make me safe. the lips that have always done good for me. the lips that make me feel

special

//

well shit man i dont even know lol. well that just fucking happened. guys i apologize greatly for the shittiest of chapters i have been writing recently.goddammit i kept this as a draft all night i forgot to publish it. AND NASH FUCKING LIKED MY PICTURE ON INSTAGRAM WITH NO WARNIN WAHTSOEVER IM STILL CRYING I CANT FUCKING EVEN
hugs and tickles
<miro the cheerio :D