The Four

Chapter 75

"Thanks for joining me for a hike." Christian signed as I walked up to him and I nodded looking at him, staring at him in interest. He had a car come pick me up and bring me here, the place that I remembered, but I wasn't sure where from. I had an idea that I'd been here before, but with who? I had no idea.

We walked up the hike and we were silent for the majority of the walk. That was the nice thing about Christian, he liked silence just as much as I enjoyed it. Well, for the past couple of weeks at least. I loved the silence, I loved not hearing anything or anyone. I loved just hearing the nature.

After an hour, we arrived at the top of the mountain where there was a picnic laid out and I went and sat down and Christian went and sat down next to me. He didn't say anything as we both got some food and stared out towards Prangie. It really was beuitufl, this country was beautiful.

Even if it was silent, it wasn't uncomfortable, because for some strange reason Christian didn't make me uncomfortable. I knew that he had gone though something traumatic himself when he was younger, but what exactly had happened, I had no idea of. I never dared ask, and his sons had never told me the details. Only that he didn't enjoy talking as much and he signed loads when they were younger. Whenever he would talk, they knew that they were in trouble. It usually meant they disrespected Olivia or something. It was funny to me.

"I went to a showing of a theatre show called the Phantom of the Opera." Christian out of nowhere started. He was talking? He barely talked. "With my best friend. Erica. You remind me of her." He said and he let out a deep breath. "While walking back to the hotel we were captured by some thugs that were part of an Anti-Locatlie group that eventually grew out to be the resistance." He said and I frowned looking at him, I didn't know any of this. My husbands told me that their papa's story wasn't theirs to tell. Was he going to tell me something now? "They did." He shook his head as he stared ahead. "I can still hear her screaming, fighting, crying." He breathed out and tears appeared in my eyes. "I can still feel the pain as I crawled up to her when they eventually left. I can still feel the pain in my throat as I screamed for help for hours on end before the pain override the adrenaline. I can still feel the anger, the dispair, I can still." He balled his fists. "I know a lot of people say that they know what you went through, or they try to understand. I don't have to try. I know what you went through. For me it was only a couple of hours, for you it was months, almost years, I know that there is a difference. I know." He said and tears were rolling down my cheeks. "I know what it's like to blame yourself for things beyond your control. I know what it's like that your rationality and everyone around you tells you that it isn't your fault, but you don't believe it, them. I know what it's like to wake up each morning hating the fact that you got to wake up while the person you loved didn't. I know." He turned his head towards me. "I know. I understand."

I was silent for a bit as I took everything he had said in me. I didn't know how to respond to any of that though.

"After being brought to Locatlie, I woke up and went down to get my revenge on the fuckers that killed her. It captivated me, ruined me almost." He said and I turned my head, I thought he was done talking. "Carrie tried to get me out of it, but it didn't work. I was so hell bent on getting my revenge, that anyone that got in my path of doing that, I would hurt. I chocked and almost killed Carrie. I also know what it's like to hurt someone you love." He said and I gulped looking at him as I stared back ahead, tears slowly rolling down my cheeks. "My dad was killed in front of me, by the resistance that grew out to be the guys that took you." He said and tears started to roll down his cheeks. 

"I can't even imagine- I love Olivia with my whole heart, she's my everything. I'd give up everyone and everything in this world to see her smile, to have her be happy. She feels the same way about me and my brothers." He said and I turned my head to look at him. "I can't imagine what he went through, what my little boy went through, seeing what happened to you. I can't imagine what you went through seeing your husband going through what he did." He said and tears rolled down my cheeks. "My mother, she saw her parents and her siblings getting murdered and she eventually recovered, but I know that if it was- if any of my fathers had been there, and they'd." He shook my head. "I can't imagine what you went through on that aspect, none of us can, luckily I think." He said and I smiled slightly at that comment as I wiped some tears away. 

"Matt, Eddie and Eric, they miss you a lot. They have difficulty with accepting that you need your space, Eric not as much as Eddie and Matt though." He said and I smiled a bit at that; that was true. "But I know that deep down they know you need it. I'm happy you're taking your time. My mother didn't take her time and she ruined everyone around her because of it. She- she didn't mean to. She went through something so traumatic, and basically stepped back into her old life, without dealign with it, without dealing with herself. I'm happy you're dealing with yourself now." He looked sideways t me and I stared back at him. There was something about him, that interested me. He looked at me and a small smile appeared on his face.

"You're a lot like Oliver, or rather, Oliver is a lot like you. You know that right?" I said after a while as I looked at the sun slowly setting. "Everyone gives him a bad rep, but he knows just what to say, just like you."

"That's Olivia."

"No." I said shaking my head right way. "That's you. You underestimate yourself if you think you're not just as brilliant as you are. From stories I've heard from hi- from Mike." I said, closing my eyes. "I hear that that's from your papa. It's great. You're great."

"Thank you." He said looking at me and I let out a small breath.

"I lost my husband, and myself in the process." I said carefully. "They're a part of me, but they're not from me so to speak." I said and he looked away from me, knowing where I was going with this. "That's the part that scares me the most of accepting them again, apart from me not knowing who I am yet, but one day I'll get children and I don't- I can't- we can't." I said staring ahead. "You saw- I can't." I whispered.

"We knew the moment that you two were on that ship, that there was a possibility that Mike wouldn't survive it. That's what Code Black was." He said and my eyes widened; I had never known that yet, I'd wanted to know that. "Code black meant that your lives were in danger and that we weren't sure if we'd save you. It's a code a king hears when he is in immediate life threatening danger. He knew that he had to do anything he could to get you back safe. He knew the moment you told him that, that he was going to die." He said looking at me. "It broke me, it broke us in a way, all of us." He said calmly and I nodded. "Lottie- that, it." He shook his head. "It's the worst feeling in the world, I can't imagine a pain worse than losing your child, than having your child being killed or die in front of your eyes."

I nodded, I didn't know what to say to any of that. We sat in silence for a very long time, before we decided to go back home, we walked back and I almost tripped at one point and he grabbed my arms while holding us steady.

"Thank you." I signed to him and he smiled a bit and nodded looking at me.

"Always." He signed back.

There were two motorcycles waiting there for us and I smiled as wide as my face possibly could as we each climbed on one and we drove back. I laughed loads as we at one point started to race. We arrived back at the castle and the front door and to my huge surprise, Matthew just walked out of the car, followed by Eric and Eddie, whom was staring at me having a sort of discussion with Christian in sign.

"I was here first." Christian signed.

"Yeah, but I was off of the motorcycle first. You can't tell me that you won when you're still on your motorcycle."

"That's not how racing goes, in formula one, it's about who crosses the finish line first right?" He signed to me and I sighed and nodded.

"Fine, fine, fine. O hey!" I signed to Matt, Eddie and Eric. "We went on a hike on the kings mountain and had a sort of dinner picnic situation before he surprised me with the motorcycles. Who drove again?" I signed. "I remember driving with one of you at one point?"

"We all drive, it was your thing with Ed." Eric signed and I smiled very widely and nodded looking at Eddie whom was looking at me with a huge smile as I took off my helmet.

"I'm going to bed though, thank you so much." I signed to Christian. "It was great. Thank you." I said and I gave him a swift hug, without waiting for him to put his arms back.

"Why didn't he have to put his arms back?" Matt then asked, and there was annoyance in his voice.

"He reminds me of home, of Oliver." I said as I walked away, leaving the four of them speechless.