The Four

Chapter 94

Kitty P.O.V

I thought I knew what time meant. I thought I had suffered through the excruciating component of life called waiting. When I was captured merely months/years/whatever ago, every second felt like a lifetime, every breath that I took, hurt, it broke me. When I was laying next to Mike, begging him to come me back for weeks, while his body decomposed next to me, it felt like forever, it felt like a lifetime, a thousand lifetimes. I thought I knew what pain meant.

But the past six months, it had been torture. It had been pure and pure torture. Ok that's not fair to Matt and Eric. I knew that, but with every passing second, the ball of anxiety in my body kept growing and growing. It sometimes exploded and that turned into me being a sobbing mess, or I'd yell and fight with Eric of all people. It wasn't fair to him, it wasn't fair that I yelled at him and screamed at him to leave me alone, just because he looked like the person that brought me all the pain in the world. It wasn't fair that I told Matt to fuck off with his stupid hands, that it was all his fault. None of it was fair. But apparently life wasn't fair.

I had good days, or rather moments, too. There were moments when I would lay in bed with Matt and we'd talk about everything and nothing, or look into each others eyes for hours before falling asleep in each others arms. There would be moments where Eric and I would be cuddling and laughing so much, I felt like I was going to break. There were kisses, and nothing more, shared between me and Matt and between Eric and I, that made me doubt why I ever felt sad in the first place.

But then the pain and the missing and longing came back. Then the pain and absolute desperation to have Mike in my heart, in my arms, came back. Then the doubt of Eddie's love for me clouded my mind. I was happy with Eric and with Matt, yes, I really was. I loved them more than I loved anything in this world. But I was missing two of my husbands, one of which I'd only see in Seglusa's realm, while the other was a 1 hour plane ride away from me, but I wasn't allowed near him.

I didn't understand how the three of them survived knowing I was in Valkarae, or even close to them, without literally grabbing me and locking me up until I loved them. I had planned on doing that at least twice a week to Eddie. But each time, I thought about how much it had helped me to get the time to explore who I was.

And that was what Eddie was doing, he was exploring whom he was. As a king, but also as a person. Eric went every month for a weekend, and when he came back, how unfair it was, I demanded to hear every single detail about Eddie. But there wasn't a lot of progress. According to research by Princess Rose, he would never get the memories back and trying to spend time on getting those back, would be a waste of his valuable time. So he'd been learning about everything that he'd done in those years that he'd lost. He was learning how to rule, he was learning what were the basics of his life. He also was enjoying his life, even if it hurt Eric to tell me, he told me that Eddie did spend some nights in the love house. Those moments made me feel so numb, but at the same time, I had no reason to be angry at that. Although, there was a small part of me that knew that if I had done the same thing as he would've done, that they'd lock up all those fuckers that even dared to look at me. But that was this fucking system and I'd have to accept it.

Eddie's birthday, and Mike's birthday, were both hard. It was difficult, because their other half, their twin brothers, were here with me, and I wanted to celebrate their birthday too. I wanted them to be happy, but it was just so fucking darned difficult to be happy for them, while Mike was fucking dead, and Eddie was fucking whomever had a fucking vagina. So, I compromised with both of them; in the morning I'd mourn the person that I couldn't be with, and in the evening I went out to dinner with the person whose birthday it was before spending a night with them. Both of them got a pretty heavy and steamy make out session, but more; it just didn't, I couldn't do it. They were both extremely understanding.