The Four

Chapter 108

I didn't leave this place for maybe two days, I was hungry, but I just didn't feel like seeing anybody, I didn't feel like doing anything, I just wanted to be free. I just wanted to be free of this pain, but there was no way I could be free of this pain.

I had left the floor at one point, and went towards the bed and I laid there, staring ahead, hoping that one second Seglusa would just take me to the realm, because this life really wasn't worth fighting for. This life wasn't what I envisioned. This life wasn't what I wanted.

I had seen the sun gone down for the second, or third time, by now, but I didn't care about that. All I wanted was freedom. But I would never get that. I was destined to be hurt and broken and happiness was never going to be a thing that was given to me. I guess that was the curse of being a queen of Locatlie.

In the past couple of days, I'd often thought about how Queen Julia dealt with this situation. How she dealt with being taken, with the trauma that came with that, with the pain that came with the betrayal of King Hugo. I also wondered how King Hugo could live with himself in that situation. How could he go to sleep at night, knowing he was hurting someone he loved? And for what? For another woman. It felt weird and foreign to me. I couldn't imagine being with anyone else apart from them. Even when my memories were all jumbled up, I still had the respect towards them to not do anything. They also had the luck that I had that trauma. But thinking about it, I did do something with some people; with Amar, with Ajay, with Shubham. Maybe they were right when they stated that they would ruin me. That the kings of Locatlie and their establishment would ruin me. Maybe they were right when they said that they didn't actually loved me, that they didn't care fo rme, but rather for what I stood for.

I tried to reason with myself by thinking about how Eric and Matt looked at me, loved me. But then the memories of Matt's hands around my neck came to mind, and of Eric whom yelled at me at the campfire. They all flooded into my brain and I realised that I was just a horrible person. I was a horrible person whom yelled even worse thoughts and words towards them and they accepted it.

We just were horrible people, and I was the worst of them all. I was selfish, I was egotistical. I was a horrid horrid human being. Everyone around me, they were right, and I was wrong. I was nothing, I couldn't be anything.

I mean, if Matt and Eric really cared for me and knew how I felt, they would come to be after a while right? Even if I was the biggest bitch in the world, they still would come to me to talk to me. But they didn't do that. They let me sit here, and starve myself. They let me lay here and go further and further down the spiral called self hatred.

I heard a door open just as I came to that conclusion but I was too tired, too exhausted, too hungry to look up. I was weak, I was tired, I was done.

Someone went and sat by the bed and put a spoon against my mouth. In my peripheral vision I saw Eric, but I didn't have the energy to look at him, or think. I opened my mouth slightly to let the semi warm soup come in my mouth and I pleased him with swallowing it. Not that I had a choice on that manner, my body needed the food. I accepted every bite, opening my mouth slightly as he fed me. When he didn't come with more, I felt my body being disappointed that there wasn't more food. I then felt a straw by my mouth and I sucked softly and I got some water in my system. If I had the mental and physical energy, I'd say thank you. But my body was used to not having a lot of food, and I knew not to talk when I got some. I might be punished.

"Eric left." I heard the voice state, the voice that I thought was Eric. But it wasn't Eric; It was Eddie. I was confused why Eddie was here, why he fed me and gave me something to drink. "Matt followed him. They've been gone for a day now. Danny got a text from Matt stating that he's trying to talk to Eric." Eddie said and he let out a heartbroken breath. "We fucked up Kit. I mean, we can't keep doing this can we? I mean, apart from hurting each other, we're hurting the others, and most importantly for both of us probably; we're really hurting Eric with this." He said and it was then that I realised he was sitting on my bed, and actually talking to me nicely. This was Eddie, the real Eddie. Or was this not the real Eddie? Was he faking right now, had he been faking all through our marriage, and was the real Eddie that I saw the past couple of days the actual real Eddie? "Kitty, please look at me. We need to think of how we're going to make this right with Eric. He deserves as much? If what you were going on and on about with your connection with him, wouldn't you want him to be happy?" He said and he put his hand on my waist and I flinched and I pulled my whole body together, afraid he was going to hurt me. He let go of my waist right away, but I kept put in this fetal position, as I didn't want him to hurt me. I didn't want him to touch me. "Shit Kit, days ago you were practically begging me to hug you, and now you flinch when I touch you? What's up?" He said and I didn't respond as I kept staring ahead, hoping he would leave and get me more of that soup, because that tasted so good. "Kitty?" He said in a careful voice, but there was also so much emotion in there.