you're just as far in as you'll ever be out

I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it

"How are things going?"

Alana sighed and peered out the balcony door, watching the twinkling lights of the city sparkle in the night sky. It was almost nine and her sisters weren't back yet. They hadn't bothered to check in with her all day. Even Danielle failed to respond to her text messages.

"Lovely," Alana quipped dryly. She stepped out on the balcony and took in the bustling nightlife. Last year she would be out partying into the wee hours of the morning. Now, she preferred to look at the city at a safe distance where no one would be able to see her. "Wait. What time is it at home?"

"Almost four am," Lucy yawned after a pause. "So make this quick."

Alana knew Lucy was joking but she still felt bad. "But you called me."

"I can't figure out this whole time zone thing," Lucy complained shrilly. "Look, I'll cut to the chase. Danielle called me earlier and she was pretty upset. I think you should talk to her."

When Alana didn't reply, Lucy groaned and Alana could tell she was at her wits end. There was only so much she could do from the other side of the world.

"Or I'm going to tell her."

"No!" Alana yelled at Lucy's threat. "No, don't. It's bad enough you told Dash."

"He's not an idiot, Lans. Neither are your sisters. They can tell something is wrong with you."

"I don't think so," Alana scoffed, plopping down in one of the chairs. "Este's so pissed I missed the press day. She'll probably ignore me for a while."

"Have you even left the hotel room all day?"

"No," Alana responded meekly, picking at a loose thread on her t-shirt. She hadn't even changed out of her pajamas. How sad.

Lucy sighed and paused for a minute. "I can't keep lying to Danielle much longer. She's really worried about you and doesn't know why you're shutting her out."

Alana didn't respond when she heard the hotel door open and close quickly. She stood up and took one final look over the city she'd probably never venture out in.

"I have to go," she whispered. "Danielle just got back." She hung up before Lucy could even respond.

She slid the balcony door open and quietly slipped in the room. Danielle was leaning over her bed as she struggled to plug in her phone. She barely registered Alana standing behind her awkwardly.

"Hey."

Danielle turned around, exhaustion written all over her face. "Hi."

Alana sat on the edge of her bed and looked at her sister nervously, watching as she threw her hair up in a messy bun and peeled off her leather jacket. "I, I tried calling you earlier..."

"Yeah, my phone died," Danielle pointed out tiredly. She peered around the messy room and frowned at the various plates of half-eaten food and drinks littering the tables. "What did you do all day?"

"Not much," Alana said softly. She noticed Danielle looking at all the food she ordered throughout the door. "I'll clean it up."

Danielle stood up and yawned. "Did you even leave the room?"

Alana flinched at her sister's annoyed tone and shook her head. "No."

"What did you do then?" Danielle repeated, this time a bit harshly.

"Relaxed," Alana whispered. She could see Danielle's annoyance building.

"Must be nice," Danielle mumbled under her breath. She rubbed her temples and pulled down her bed covers.