you're just as far in as you'll ever be out

I'll cry until my pity party's in flames

this is all over the place so I'm sorry! :o

"How much longer?"

Este gingerly craned her head to stare at her youngest sister in slight concern. They had only been on the flight home for less than two hours. There was still a lot of time left. She removed her right ear bud and stared over Danielle's head. "A few hours. Why? Are you okay?"

Alana nodded and picked at the hole in her jeans. She envied Danielle, who was sound asleep on Este's shoulder. As soon as she bucked her seatbelt, she passed right out. "I'm fine," she mumbled. "Just antsy."

"Go for a walk," Este suggested nicely, trying to maneuver herself in the seat to reach across Danielle and squeeze Alana's hand. She watched her sister's left knee bounce up and down, showing no sign of stopping. "Do you want me to come with you?"

Alana undid her seatbelt and shook her head. "No," she whispered, staring at a sleeping Danielle. "You'll have to wake D."

"So?" Este said with a slight eye roll. "I can't feel my shoulder anyway."

"I'll be fine," Alana promised in a small voice. "If I'm not back in ten minutes then you can come find me."

Este felt helpless as she watched Alana slowly ease herself out of the seat. Ever since she came back for the interview she had been quiet, on edge a lot. No matter how many times she insisted she was okay, the elder Haim girls knew that wasn't exactly the truth. Alana didn't want to talk about the interview and what she said. It aired last night but Danielle and Este weren't allowed to watch. Alana just hid under the covers and made them go out so they weren't tempted.

Their New York trip was pretty much a bust. Este envisioned all three sisters watching a Broadway play and eating all the bad food they could find. However, instead, Este and Danielle roamed around the city aimlessly without a purpose.

Danielle was quiet too.

Alana wandered up towards the front of the plane where one of the bathrooms was, trying to covertly slip past everyone so no one would recognize her. She still couldn't bear to interact with the fans. After all, she did partly blame them in her interview. As much as it felt good to get everything off her chest, she was terrified what the reaction was going to be. Most of the tweets were supportive; some were rude with just enough venom to send her back into hiding.

"Excuse me?"

Alana closed her eyes and heard the seatbelt sign ding. She whipped around, figuring it was a flight attendant. "I know, I know. I'm going back to my seat." However, when she looked at who she was speaking to, her voice faltered. It was a girl who was probably around her age, maybe a little younger. "Oh, sorry. I thought you were a flight attendant about to yell at me for being up when the seatbelt sign was on."

The fan laughed. "I'm sorry to bother you," she began cautiously.

Alana could tell this girl watched her interview. She bit her lip and forced a polite smile. "You're not bothering me," she whispered. "I'm just on my airplane walk."

"Me too," the fan continued to laugh. "I just, I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

"For what?" Alana blinked, trying to figure out where this was going.

"For everything you've been going through. I know the feeling. It's nice to know I'm not alone, you know?"

Alana knitted her eyebrows together. She was at a loss for words. "Y-yeah," she stammered, taking a deep breath before speaking again. "I'm sorry you feel the same way. Sucks, doesn't it?"