endless night time sky (Gerard Way)

Chapter 11

At around 9pm, I got up from the couch, into which we had molded. It took some effort, but with a push from Ray, I got to my feet, announcing, 'I'd better be getting home.'

Gerard grabbed my hand, and hoisted himself out of the couch along with me. 'I'll walk you, it's super dark out there.'

'Thanks.'

I couldn't tell if it was wishful thinking on my part, but I sensed a bit of a glance between Ray, Mikey and Frank as Gerard pulled his trainers on, and I put on my jacket. I was trying hard to convince myself that nothing had changed between us, but maybe others were catching on to what I was feeling? 

Gerard shut the door behind us, and we began walking the ten minutes to my house. The temperature had dropped significantly, such that I dug my hands deep into my jacket pockets, huddling into myself, but shivering anyway.

Gerard, as he usually did, pulled me close to him. As he did so, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. Although it was almost too cold for me to want to take it out to check the message, I did so, expecting it to be some kind of joke from one of the guys.

But it was from an unknown number. Gerard frowned, looking at the screen.

HAHA, you are going to end up a crack-whore, just like your mum!!!

I'd only just had chance to read the first message when another one appeared.

Did your mum skip PE to get fucked, too?

And another, and another, and another.

No wonder you're such a fuck-up, your mum must have been high when she was pregnant with you

Does Gerard pay you with drugs?

Or is he high whilst he fucks you, so he can stand the sight of you?

The messages kept coming, but Gerard had snatched the phone out of my hand. I couldn't respond, my hand stayed frozen in place, but trembling.

Until now, I had thought I was safe as long as I wasn't at school. They didn't have my number. At least, I'd always thought they didn't. How was this happening? 

Everything around me felt blurry. It didn't feel real; I couldn't process that I had read those messages, that they were actually directed at me, that they actually said all those things. My feet had stopped moving, and my whole body felt numb, save for the sharp sting of tears in my eyes. But even they seemed unable to respond, and my eyes stayed dry.

I didn't know if Gerard had typed a message back, but he shoved the phone into his own pocket, as though that would stop the messages from reaching me. No, it was clear now that I couldn't get away from this, anywhere.

I had stopped feeling the cold, stopped hearing the wind rustling the leaves, stopped noticing the car headlights occasionally illuminating our path. Nothing else registered until Gerard covered me with his arms, cradling my head against his chest. I could hear his heart beating, faster than usual, but focusing on the sound, the steady rhythm, helped me to process what was happening and return to the present moment.

'You listen to me,' Gerard said, softly but sternly, 'you are not to believe a single word of that bullshit. Do you understand?'

I felt now that he was shaking, slightly, and it came through in his voice. Nevertheless, his voice was calming to me.

'You, Laura,' he continued, 'are worth fifty of those girls. Or of anyone. You are the most beautiful person in the entire world. Do you hear me? You are so fucking beautiful.' 

His arms had tightened around me, as though he were trying to stop me, and himself, from shivering. I could feel the cold again, but I didn't mind it anymore. His words swirled around in my head, along with the images of those texts, but somehow, Gerard's words were winning. I sometimes didn't believe he meant it when he said this kind of thing, but there was something in his voice this time that made me think, maybe he did.

'And they have no idea what's happening with your mum,' he continued, 'I mean, I don't either, but she's coming back into your life, and she's well, and that's a good thing. Everything is going to be good.'

I still didn't say anything, but I nodded my head, as much as I could with Gerard's arms clamped so tightly around it. He loosened his grip a little, enough to let me pull back a bit, and look up at him. His face was stony and serious, his jaw tense and unsmiling. I had only seen this expression a handful of times, most recently just a few hours earlier, when he had confronted Caleb, and I knew then that Gerard would always be my most fierce protector. I'd never considered myself to be in need of protection, but I was grateful for it. 

He didn't say anything else for a moment, but his eyes remained locked with mine. I loved him. I'd always loved him, as my best friend, as my closest confidante, but I loved him now more than I ever had. 

Gerard withdrew his arms from around me, but his hands clasped my face. He kissed my lips, earnestly, softly, but confidently. His hands found their way to comb through my hair, and his kiss deepened, becoming passionate and hungry. 

A car sounded its horn as it passed us on the road, making me jump. Gerard grabbed my hand, not hesitating, and pulled me off the path away from the road, down a back street behind the houses, a single, flickering lamppost lighting the way. 

Leaning against the wall, he pulled me against him again and continued to kiss me, now enveloping me completely in his arms. My heart pounded in my chest, and I could have sworn I could feel his, too, thumping against mine.

When Gerard eventually pulled away, he sighed, deeply, catching his breath, and he repeated himself.

'You are so fucking beautiful.'