The Story Of Forever (Todobaku)

To Suffer Enough

Shouto was sick of the headpats and light teasing. But as the youngest, he had no choice.

He hadn't seen Natsuo in three weeks, and the older insisted they needed to make up for lost time. Natsuo was a second year economics student at university, so he was often buried in schoolwork. Of all Shouto's relatives, Natsuo was the one he heard from the least. Shouto and Fuyumi were also convinced their brother had a secret girlfriend that took up his free time, but Natsuo always denied it.

Still, having Natsuo around was better than not. He and Shouto weren't close as kids, though their relationship improved tremendously as they got older. Natsuo was the one who introduced Shouto to the world of manga, forever changing his life. If Shouto achieved his dream of becoming a professional mangaka, Natsuo's name would be the first listed in the acknowledgements.

Natsuo finished giving Shouto his ninth headpat of the day when the Todoroki family congregated in the backyard. Prominent sunrays accompanied by a rejuvenating summer breeze were too flawless to pass up.

They opted for a Sunday barbecue, served by an enthusiastic Chef Keigo. He went a tad overboard, whipping up tonkatsu, negimaki, and even tsukune on skewers. Combined with the vegetables, Keigo prepared enough food to feed a family of twelve. At least Shouto would have leftovers for the entire schoolweek.

Fuyumi helped Keigo transfer the meat from the grill to the buffet table on the patio, the couple sharing a quick kiss as they set everything up. As a child, Shouto found their over the top love for each other cringeworthy, but now he felt sad. Fuyumi started dating Keigo when she was sixteen, and everything had been smooth sailing for them ever since. No doubt they'd get married, probably sooner than later. And it wasn't like she and Keigo had to fear expressing their love in public.

Could Shouto ever be as lucky?

Maybe after he graduated high school, if he got away from Musutafu. There had to be cities in Japan that had more than a handful of gay people, he just needed to find them. But even if he did, Shouto wondered if there was someone out there who would love him the way Keigo loved his sister. Someone that Shouto would kiss in public without thinking twice, ignoring the backlash from bigoted onlookers because he was too damn happy to care.

Maybe one day he'd have that.

But there were many obstacles to overcome first. One of which he planned on tackling today.

A small circular table sat close to the fountain. Shouto and Rei pulled out five lawn chairs for everyone, Shouto snagging the seat between his mom and Keigo. Natsuo was the last to sit down as he grabbed twice as much food as everyone else. With him living away at school, Shouto forgot how much his brother loved to eat.

"As always," Keigo said, "don't feel obligated to eat anything you don't like."

Rei smiled. "Thank you for cooking, Keigo."

While the food was delicious, Shouto struggled to enjoy it. With each minute that passed, his anxiety increased. It got to the point that he couldn't speak during lunch without his teeth chattering. So he sat quietly and took small bites of his negimaki while the rest carried the conversation.

Rei noticed his depleted confidence, her gaze falling on him several times throughout lunch. Shouto told her earlier that he planned on coming out to everyone today. Rei was encouraging, but also emphasized that if Shouto changed his mind at the last minute, that was equally valid.

Shouto wanted to change his mind. That was the easy decision. He could push it off for another day. But that wouldn't reduce the burden he carried. It would eat away at him whenever his family was around until he spat it out.