Healing Diagnosis

Depression

Sadness. Emptiness. Unlimited sleep. Lack of appetite. Sensitive. Not wanting to take showers. Not wanting to leave home. These are all signs of depression. These are all indications that you have began to face what's left that hole in your life open and wounded.

When people mention depression they always mention suicidal tendencies but, they fail to mention the other things. Depression isn't always suicide nor is always someone wanting to die. Sometimes it's those things I've listed above. The very small things people walk right over because, it's not self inflicted. When in fact it is eternally. Never assume what you can't see doesn't need to be seen when a person is healing.

I battled depression on and off for seven years. It wasn't until my last two years that it was ongoing and never stopped. I went to the Dr. of course and was prescribed antidepressants. I remember when I took my first two pills. I was sitting on the couch in my living room. My baby girl at the time was two years old, my middle child which is my son; was five and my oldest daughter was twelve.

I had recently lost someone whom I considered my Third spiritual father. The absolute worse era of my life because he died unexpectedly. But, I remember taking my first two pills and I completely went numb. I wasn't sad, I wasn't mad. I just felt numb. And as I'm sitting there, I was completely zoned out. It wasn't until my oldest tapped me, I realized I was out of it.

She said, "mommy you didn't here moo moo (my baby girl) calling your name? I responded "no" in such a calm, unemotional tone. She said, "she's been tapping you calling your name for ten minutes." I instantly looked down at my hand that had the pills in them and burst into tears. I got up and ran to the bathroom and poured them down the drain.

It was at that moment, I knew I had to face what was breaking me and come out of depression! The next day I got out of bed, cleaned my house. Cooked dinner, took a shower and sat on my front porch. I looked up to the sky and I said, "God if you be for me, that's more than the world against me. I'm trusting you God to get me out of this thing no matter how hard it gets!! I'm coming out!!"

Next thing I knew days went by no tears. Weeks went by, I was bathing and coming outside. Months went by I gained my weight back because I started back eating. Depression is a side affect of healing. It is not uncommon nor is it untreatable. The key is persistence in your determination to heal.

Here is how I made it out of depression without prescription drugs. First, I got myself together mentally. I constantly thought about my kids. If you're reading this and don't have children, what is something valuable to you? Maybe your dog? Or parents?

Secondly, I stopped venting to people and started venting to God. Not everyone is meant to encounter your season. Some people you're pouring your problems into has holes in their cups and allowing someone else to catch the drip. Not every hand lifted for you is rooting for you. Learn to support you because not everyone understands how to handle broken people, places or things.

Lastly, pray! I'm not talking about praying and worrying. I'm not talking about praying and stressing. I'm not talking about praying and trying to beat God at handling things. I'm talking about praying and leaving it all at his feet. Cry, scream, yell if you have to.

The most important thing is you get it out safely and effectively. To those that have children, how do you feel when your kids are constantly crying? How do you feel when your sons (boy moms') come hugging you and don't shower? How do you feel when the dishes are piled up and you know they've seen them needing to be washed? How do you feel when you want to spend time with them but, they want to sleep all day?

If all of those questions you could answer with some type of irritation or downed spirit now you see how they feel seeing you depressed. The last thing you want to do is punish your kids let alone feel abandoned by them. So, my last question to you is; will you allow depression to stop your healing?