Sea Glass (WAYHAUGHT)

Scaredy Cat

It is. Two easy-to-understand words. Except, all she could hear was one word on repeat. Shae. The word banged out a beat while Nicole spoke. Her own excuse, her own stupid lie for not sleeping in the same bed as Nicole.

This had nothing to do with Shae, or the restaurant, or whether Nicole wanted her. This had everything to do with her feet suddenly dropping in temperature when faced with what she was about to do. Sure, she had been brave, waltzing into Nicole's flat, rucksack over one shoulder, announcing she would spend the night. Please and thank you. Except, she no longer was sure she could. That's what she should have been telling Nicole right about now. She should have looked into those beautiful brown eyes, told Nicole she was scared, rather than making this about Shae.

"I want to stay," she said finally.

"Thank you. Thank you. I'll ring Shae tomorrow. First thing."

"Just not tonight."

Nicole recoiled at her words. "Waverly please, I don't understand. You said you wanted to earlier. Your rucksack."

"I need to be clear what this is." She paused, allowing herself a moment to wonder why she couldn't be honest for once, rather than bullshit her way out of the situation. "If it's only while Shae is away you need to level with me."

She left Nicole with a confused look on her face.

Had she really thought this through before legging it, she would have grabbed that lil' ole rucksack of hers, and Nicole's hoodie. The streets deserted, the Tavern in darkness, she hugged her body as she made her way along the harbour, wondering whether Nicole would ever speak to her again after leading her on, then bailing when things got too real. All she had to do was go back and explain, tell her she was scared, and confused, and still getting used to being Gayverly, still trying her on for size, not completely confident with the fit.

Her hand went to her pocket, realising in her hurry to leave she had forgotten her keys. She rang the bell. She rang the bell again. Maybe her mother was already in bed. Maybe she wasn't expecting someone to be ringing the doorbell this time of night. She tried a third time.

Phone out she called her mother, waiting for her message to end. "We're not here to take your call. What else do I say? As I said, we're not here. What else? Leave a message. Bye."

"Mum, it's me. I forgot-"

Waverly hung up. She would have to explain why she'd left her keys at the restaurant. Fudging fudge. Not a problem. Easily done. Accidentally left my keys in my rucksack, because I was trying to get my new boss to tell me she had moved on from her ex, and was ready to start something with me. But, I couldn't go through with it, so here I am. That should do it. No big deal. Why should it be a big deal?

Fuck it. She'd said she would be staying with Wynonna. Right, the pub. Stay at the pub. That's what she would do tonight. She regretted not having gone there first. After all, she was supposed to be staying there. Thinking about it, going home would lead to more questions than simply not going home. Stood outside the pub, the problem now became one of waking Wynonna.

Fuck it. Go back for the rucksack. And the keys. Go home. But then she'd have to face Nicole. She should have waited, not rushed what they had. Perched on the low step outside the pub, the harsh reality was dawning that her strategy for dealing with life really wasn't all that successful. If she could only stop sabotaging her own happiness, if she could only let life happen without lying her ass off, if she could only ignore what everyone in Meva would say if she fucked Nicole.

Nicole opened the door. "I forgot my keys."

She moved to one side to allow Waverly entry.

A side lamp was on in the bedroom, the duvet ruffled in one corner where Nicole must have been sitting. She returned to the hall where Nicole was waiting by the door.