wacky stories (jjba)

burning down the house

Warning: fire 😱😱😱 what a shocker

yes the picture is from Walmarts official site. it's completely unedited

risotto pov:

i woke up from my nap to the smell of smoke. at first, i thought it was just prosciutto ruining his lungs again, but I realised that this was much, much worse as the smell filled the room. then there were screams. i honestly had no time for this. as i walked downstairs, everyone was yelling at each other. pesci was caught in the crossfire. it wasn't even 8am, they should all still be asleep.

"YOU BURNT THE FUCKING CUPCAKES" yelled formaggio.

"YEAH, MAYBE YOUR MOM SHOULD'VE STAYED AROUND TO TEACH YOU THIS, BUT YOU ARE ANNOYING SO I DONT BLAME THE BITCH!" prosciutto said, butting into formaggio and illuso's argument, saving his scoldings at pesci for another day.

I broke up the orgy of an argument, completely forgetting about the cupcakes and the Mac and cheese cup, both burning. i put them all in the car and we drove away. i don't know what i was thinking, it wasn't even fucking 8am.

2 hours later

After a good breakfast at ihop, we went back to base.

well, there was no base.

just a bunch of smolder.

which sparked.. you guessed it... another argument.

"I THOUGHT MELONE OUT THE FIRES OUT! I TOLD HIM TO!" yelled ghiaccio.

"WELL I TOLD FORMAGGIO TO DO IT!"

"I TOLD ILLUSO 'CAUSE HE STARTED IT."

"I MADE PROSCIUTTO DO IT!"

"ILLUSO, THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE. YOU DIDN'T MAKE HIM DO IT. IF YOU MADE HIM DO IT, THERE WOULDN'T BE A PILE OF ASHES IN FRONT OF ME RIGHT NOW. YOU ARE A FUCKING BUMBLING IDIOT WHO DOESN'T KNOW BASIC GRAMMAR!" screamed ghiaccio.

"he... has a point illuso. that really didn't make any sense-" started melone.

"I SAID WHAT I SAID. I MADE HIM TO IT."

"illuso please shut the fuck up before i force feed the ashes of our base to you." said pesci.

never in my entire life had i heard pesci ever say anything like that. everyone stopped and stared at him. he had a very, very serious look on his face.

"my fucking bear was in there. the one that helps me sleep. and now he's FUCKING ASHES." yelled pesci, as he stormed off.

we wanted to let him cool off for a while, so we let him go. for the time being, we decided to go to target to get a new bear to make it up to him while also searching for a new base to stay in. we needed to change, because the mormons who knocked on our door started remembering our names. we couldn't let information like that remembered or said casually!

prosciutto pov:

getting pesci a bear was hard. there were so many. the worst thing is, his was old. it was very specifically made, and I was worried he wouldn't take anything less. i even completely stopped smoking for the rest of the day. (not recommended. had to steal melones weed the day after to stop the withdrawal symptoms).

ghiaccio and melone had stolen the shopping cart from us so ghiaccio could use white Album to push melone in it and go really fast. the others took rides in it, which gave me intense fomo, so i had to do it. he was really fast. as much as i hate him, he isn't too bad at doing something fun. as long as everyone spoke correctly. or didn't speak at all.

after a while of looking, i finally found the perfect bear for pesci. it was plush, soft, and no hard stitching. the eyes were made out of a hard plastic, but didn't take away from its plush fur or soft stuffing. it felt like a cloud, and i felt so lucky to have found it. when we went to the register, ghiaccio finally came back with the cart. it was filled to the brim with things and food.

"I got some stuff!" ghiaccio exclaimed proudly.

"ghiaccio, you tell me. where are we going to put all this stuff?" I retorted.

his smile immediately dropped. he didn't smile often, and i immediately regretted what i said.

ghiaccio pov:

"ghiaccio, you tell me. where are we going to put all this stuff?"

i stopped smiling. i felt all the happiness get sucked out of me. i did this to not feel like a burden, but this made me feel ten times worse. i looked down.

"im not sure.."

i looked up to see prosciutto looking regretful. at least, i think he looked like that. i can't tell how someone is feeling most of the time. risotto looked at me, then at prosciutto, then back at me.

"im sure we have enough space in the van for this. don't worry, prosciutto. there's no need to be rude. he got everything we need anyway."

i felt so grateful in that moment. risotto always believed me. but i saw something weird.

he had no wallet. and then i realised. we were going to steal!

"but, ghiaccio, we should probably go back and see if we can get any better deals."

i smiled. "sounds like a good idea, boss!"

we went back and put everything where ever we could. formaggio and illuso both had winter jackets, even though it wasn't quite cold enough, but they helped with the smuggling. eventually, we checked out with no problems. target has gotten so expensive now that it was definitely worth the effort for this.

Pesci pov:

they had been gone for a while. i was starting to get worried. i was in a hotel waiting for them. i had sent a message to risotto, but he didn't reply. he left me on read again. but at least i know that he is fine and are coming.

2 hours later

it had been a while. risotto still hasn't replied, but it still showed that he read it. I decided only to worry tomorrow if they hadn't come. i was waiting outside the hotel so no one would find me suspicious, or even worse... weird.... or maybe the worst..... creepy! ive been told i scare women a lot, but I don't get what's scary about asking someone where they live!

anyways, i saw prosciutto's van park near rne. when everyone came out, i was ecstatic! i could finally use the bathroom! i almost pissed myself multiple times, but we don't talk about that..

prosciutto pov:

pesci was so happy when he saw us! it almost made me smile, but then i remembered that my masculinity was already at risk being near him, so I decided to hold it in.

"pesci. time to go inside. we can get 2 suites."

"i hope i get a suite all to me and ghiaccio~" melone said. ghiaccio kicked him in the shin, which made melone sound like a donkey. which is actually really fitting, since he is a jackass.

we checked in at the lobby, pesci scared a couple women half to death and almost pissed himself thinking about them, and melone tried to make very.... bold moves on ghiaccio, all of which ended in severe pain. and in ghiaccio sharing a suite with me, risotto and illuso.

✧○ꊞ○ꊞ○•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙○♡๑•୨୧ I hope you enjoyed୨୧•๑♡○•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙ꊞ○ꊞ○✧

I know I said not to expect over ~1000 words, but this really needed that 1000. not humorous, but at least it isn't them going to taco Bell and shitting themselves.