|Buried Treasure|
"On my back, dragged through the warm mud he looked down at me."
"My saviour. My guardian..."
___
Ding.
Seungcheol pulled out his phone and finally put it on silent. There was no need to inform them he was there, they would know as soon as he slid the door open and light was given in the usual dimness of the shed.
Even though he hadn't inhaled much air, his exhale seemed to be long and shaky. As though he was holding his breath for as long as the walk.
He wanted a cigarette. He wanted something to suffocate this miserable past. He wanted to light it up. The cigarette. So that he could forget everything and burn it all in his chest.
He stood at the door now, staring it down with shaky eyes and dripping skin. He reached out to the knob but hesitated to touch it, believing it might just grab him in and he'd be sucked back to the past, as though he never left.
What if this was all fake? What if this was all in his head? What if he's been relapsing again? What if, what if- there was no more time for what ifs he was already here.
He needed to come back to reality. To see what was in front of him, to experience what he needed to experience now, so that the before no longer mattered.
I'm different now... I'm not the small useless boy I used to be. He told himself, over and over again on the way. He needed to not just tell himself, he needed to believe it.
He gripped his pants pocket. He felt the shape of his lighter clanking against his cigarette tin. Fuck. He really wished he could have a cigarette. Just one.
He grabbed the knob. It was shaking. No, rather he was shaking it.
He knew that once he walked in, he couldn't do this anymore. Shake... hesitate. One thing he learned from Mingyu was that a good bluff can get you just about anywhere but as soon as they see through it you're a fucking goner.
Finally, he flung it open, rather forcefully, so that the sound of it hitting the hinge would bang and rattle. To show them, himself, he wasn't tiny or frail.
When he walked in, the place was bright, much brighter than he had expected so he put his hand over his eyes and blocked out the light for a moment before readjusting his vision.
He seemed to hesitate to pull his hand down, as though he could block out reality longer if he kept his eyes hidden.
But as soon as he heard a breath and a shift on the hardwood floor his hands went down and back up into fists. Show them. Show them you're different.
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