café saturn (brewed with love)

chapter four: rose bud tea

• chapter four •

kaia

possible allergies (tws) to this chapter: kaia shames herself for her trauma, self-gaslighting, mentions of past manipulation, panic attack (starts after"Thinking about it now, she only felt sick." and goes to the end of the chapter), brief intrusive thought of self-harm (starts after "She wanted him to hear it in person." and ends at "Her very skin felt wrong.") please take care, lovelies. this is a bit of a heavier chapter.

In the following weeks of classes, Drew became a near permanent presence by Kaia's side. Trying to make her laugh during Creative Nonfiction, sighing and grimacing at the loopy words on the board in Poetry (not his favourite course), catching her outside of classes and on mutual breaks to study together. Sometimes, Mouse even joined.

They were a quieter presence when compared to Drew, who talked at the speed of light and rarely let the conversation dip. In fact, Kaia was sure their interactions would have been awkward and jolted had Drew not been there to keep the conversation alive. Still, Kaia appreciated Mouse all the same. All the little fond smiles they gave Drew that they didn't know Kaia noticed, and the pretty little doodles they drew in Kaia's notebook when she handed it over.

Now, she thumbed over a miniature drawing of a bee hugging a daisy, only half paying attention to the assignment being introduced to the class. Look, the Creative Nonfiction professor was a low-effort sort of guy. Also, as Kaia learned, a comic sans guy, and he tended to teach solely through slideshows made half a decade ago in entirely comic sans font, back when he had at least a sliver of motivation.

Kaia very soon learned her brain did not like listening to this man, and found Mouse's cute little doodles on her page much more interesting.

She took notes where she could, and peeked at Drew's computer for prompts whenever she missed something. Not that Drew was much better, but given that he didn't have an attention regulation disorder, he had less of an explanation than Kaia.

Kaia rubbed her pen between her fingers absentmindedly as she tried to listen to the man. Something about hometown and a sense of belonging. A personal essay. Ew.

Kaia squinted at the words written beside the flickering cursor on Drew's screen. "At what point did you start defining your city as 'home'?"

And—well, that was a bit of an issue. Kaia had lived in two different cities growing up, neither of which had ever stuck with her. There was something fun about a fast-paced life, of course, but living in big cities overwhelmed her with a sense of temporariness. That everything was constantly changing, and how could someone settle down in a place that never stayed the same?

She supposed there was the last place, the city she'd moved to for her first year of university. The first time she'd ever lived alone.

She quickly erased the idea from her mind with a shudder. No way would she ever consider that place home. Not the city, and definitely not the people.

She supposed there was the Bay. Her cottage in the woods of the little town sheltered by the sea.

But she hadn't even lived in Portobello for a month yet, and that certainly wasn't enough time for a place to become a home. She remained a new presence around town, still finding her way around the streets and getting acquainted with people.

She fiddled with her pen, copying down the bullet point into her own notes, and added her own comment underneath. 'but what if i have no story? :('

Something nudged her shoulder gently, and she glanced to her left to see Drew frowning down at her notes. He pointed silently at the comment she'd made, and mouthed something to her.