ᴀᴅᴏʀɴ ⥁ ᴍᴀᴋɪ ᴢ.

Xtra! XVI

a/n. im feelin ecstatic this Christmas szn so what better to do than write some angst for my favorite fic 😽😽 — 12-23-22

TW // (technical) SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

・❥・

When the perfectly white snow fell to the ground, nothing excited the knights more than the holiday season.

The village was covered in snow, and merchants and artisans were selling goods from the previous harvest. Children were having snowball fights.
The Castle was just as equally decorated as the village.
Lights were everywhere, about 10 trees decorated in every large room, wreaths on every single door, and the only people warm were the knights working on the inside.
As they were recovering from the war, they had planned a big feast on Christmas Day to celebrate their victory. All the nobles, royal descents, heirs, children, grands, and great-grands waited at the tables.

All except for Maki.
Instead of attending the dinner with her mother and sister as told, she faked being sick to sneak into the Medical room to see someone.

They were asleep, that's what she kept telling herself anyway.
Sound asleep, for a long time. Waiting for the right time to awake from their everlasting slumber.

She quietly pulled out a chair and sat next to their bed. Watching their chest not move in the slightest still scared her, and a whole week after seeing them like this, still hurt her.
She hoped and prayed every night she went to sleep that one day, whether it be tomorrow, the day after, or even in the next month, they'd wake up. It didn't matter when to her, she just wanted them alive and well, happy and joyous as they were before.

She really couldn't have anything nice.

'This is gonna sound real, really, dumb right now.'
'But I wish you were there to dine with us, even if you wouldn't be at the table, I'd still join you.'

'I also wish I would've known that the day you said goodbye, you meant it.' She rested her hand on theirs.

She leaned forward and rested her head on their stomach. When closing her eyes, hot tears streamed down her face, damping up the blanket covering their cold body. Their oh-so-cold body.
Even the harsh winter weather couldn't compare to how lifeless their body felt.

All Maki wanted was for her friend.
No.
Her best friend, alive and in her arms.
She didn't care in the slightest that they most likely didn't feel the same way she did, she just needed the person who kept her going through all the tough and cruel days there again. Not lying in a medical bed, freezing, not breathing, as if they were a corpse.
They might as well have been, it's been a week. The longest week Maki has ever lived through. Seven cruel days which felt like years of looking at her possibly dead 'lover'.

Was that even the word?
Does she even know what love is, what it represents, what it means? She was still technically a little kid.
To her family, she was an adult, and was slowly inching closer to the time she would be married to someone with enough status to bear a child and pass on the Zenin legacy.
But she didn't want that.
Maki could care less about the Zenin name and legacy, she hoped that she was infertile and was incapable of carrying a child, if not that, then at least pass away from giving birth. It wasn't uncommon, so she was fine with it.